How To Write and Live Brave (When You’re Terrified)

A funny thing happened to me on the way to Five Minute Friday (FMF) — the road wasn’t down to bare pavement, I guess. I don’t know how it happened, but somehow I connected with Lisa Jo from Feb. 8, 2013 and picked up that week’s prompt — BARE — as this week’s prompt.

So you, my followers, were treated to two different takes on the same prompt written a year apart.  I thought it was strange the link to Lisa Jo (http://lisajobaker.com/2014/02/how-to-write-and-live-brave-when-youre-terrified/) was closed, but really didn’t give it a second thought until my FMF friend Vernette (http://vernetteoutloud.wordpress.com/) pointed out the error of my ways {Thank you!}.

This week’s prompt — or at least the short version — was WRITE. However, I also wrote on that prompt Oct. 4 so a little more digging was necessary. The full prompt from Lisa Jo is HOW TO WRITE AND LIVE BRAVE (WHEN YOU’RE TERRIFIED). Hmm, that’s a little different.

12347127125_f4175e2e8b_zSo, guess what. You get a bonus this week on the correct prompt. But before I start, you need a little background on how this particular prompt came to be. Lisa Jo has her first book, Surprised by Motherhood, scheduled for release in April through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, DaySpring, Books-A-Million, CBD and LifeWay (pre-orders now being taken). As she says, admitting to being “scared pretty much all the time” during these pre-release days, “The thing about writing is that at some point somebody’s going to want to read it. (And you may have to sign 600 book plates). Somebody’s going to want to crack open your heart and take their own opinion to it. They might not be gentle. What you wrote is going to go out into the world and you won’t be able to control what people think of it. Much like parenting. And the rest of life … I think that maybe scared is the new brave. It means we’re stepping out onto terrifyingly deep waters.”

Amen, sister!

So, here we go. This week’s correct take on the prompt HOW TO WRITE AND LIVE BRAVE (WHEN YOU’RE TERRIFIED). {Clock starts now}

Blogging has opened some new areas of writing for me. As a reporter, most of my writing is pretty mundane … reporting the facts while still trying to get the reader involved in the story. Except for editorials and columns — which often expose issues we wouldn’t normally cover in newsprint, writing remains a way of communicating our thought process to others. The problem is, no two people have the same thought process.

Blogging, however, is more personal. It is essentially writing from the heart, processing it through the mind and interpreting those words through keystrokes on a screen. And it can be terrifying.

I remember my first words on this platform. I was scared to death because I had no idea how they would be received, why my life story mattered, what relevance my life experiences would have on others. Throughout my 49 year writing career, I always knew my audience. I knew what they wanted. I knew which issues would get a response. I knew my limits. This time, however, I had no idea who would be reading this or, more important, what they wanted to read. But I was willing to step out in faith.

No one likes to have their words dissected, but that’s exactly what happens when you put pen to paper. Every word, every … STOP

… phrase is there in public view. And often those words are your heart and soul speaking.

It’s terrifying to expose yourself, your inner thoughts and feelings, your failures in public. But bravely we writers plod on doing just that … one word at a time.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Confidence and respect are things you can’t buy. You’ve got to earn them.

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Five Minute Friday — Bare

Here’s this week’s installment of Five Minute Friday. I’m joining with hundreds of other writers writing for five minutes on a specific prompt word provided by Lisa-Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com/2013/02/five-minute-friday-bare/). Her exercise calls for writing for just five minutes {okay we cheat a little} and see what comes out. We’re not looking for that perfect post, nor even a deeply profound post … just honing our skills with just five minutes of focused writing.

This week’s prompt is BARE. The timer is set … so here goes. {clock starts now}

Throughout the midwest and northeast, we’ve been socked by snow this winter. I mean, a lot of snow and a lot of cold weather.

Driving, of course, is challenging on packed snow. Even plowed snow often leads to slippery roads. And we won’t talk about unexpected drifts or slush. Even with four- or all-wheel drive, vehicles tend to have a mind of their own … at least until the roads are down to bare pavement.

The road of life is like that as well. Our not so white and fluffy stuff piles up on the roadway of life and we find ourselves slip sliding down life’s highway. We have to get back to the bare pavement … the way life is supposed to be … following the basic laws of our Lord and nature.

That’s the tough thing. We all know right from wrong, but often choose to go the easy route, take the shortcut, only to find it fills our path with ruts and slush and stuff … STOP

… It’s time to get down to the bare pavement … the way life should be … following the basic laws of our Lord and nature.

Well, for better or worse, that’s my two cents for the week.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Personality opens many doors, but character must keep them open.

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A Drink of Water

As I’ve mentioned before, I send weekly Words for the Week to family and friends. They are just small snippets of encouragement. I don’t blast the e-mails. I send them separately as a reminder to specifically take the time to pray for them … which I do.

A couple of weeks ago, I included a story from Acts International. Before I sent it, I thought something was missing. Then a couple of friends asked if I had forgotten the final lines.

So, I thought I would re-work it … or at least wrap it up. I’ve included the original work. I’ll break in at the ellipsis. I hope you approve the addition.

A Drink of Water

“Daddy, what can I do for you?” asked the small boy, overjoyed when his father returned home after a long trip overseas.

“You can get me a glass of water,” answered his dad.

The little fellow rushed across the room, poured some water into a glass on the table, spilling some as he did. Then he grabbed the glass and carried it to his father, holding it with his two muddy fingers inside the rim of the glass. When his father took it from him, two dirty little streams were trickling down the inside of the glass. The father turned the glass around and drank every drop of water while his son stood there rubbing his hands on his t-shirt saying, “Daddy, what else can I do for you?” …

Dad thought for a moment and said, “Nothing. Thank you. That water sure hit the spot.”

The little boy’s smile started to wane as he turned around to leave his dad to his work. Dad noticed the change in his son’s demeanor and immediately called out, “Son! Wait. There is something you can do. Come here and give me a great big hug! I’ve missed them so much.”

The boy spun around, his exuberant smile returning to his small face. Dirty hands and all, he rushed into his dad’s open arms and gave him a big hug. And dad savored that moment.

It’s not the dirty hands or the muddy water that made the scene. It was the love and encouragement.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Second thoughts are always wiser.

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Five Minute Friday — Hero

Here’s this week’s installment of Five Minute Friday. You might remember the task is to write for five minutes on a specific prompt word. The initiative was started by Lisa-Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-hero/) who thought about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And she figured, why not take five minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

This week’s prompt is HERO. The timer is set … so here goes. {clock starts now}

I’ve written about this before. My kids often call me a hero, but I solidly reject that theory. I’m just a guy trying to get by as best I can, I’m just older than they are so I am more experienced.

I  look around and see so many other people who are true heroes, doing heroic things, putting their lives on the line so I can live mine. I’m not in their league.

No, the true hero in the family was my wife. Karen was the glue that kept if all together. Through sickness and health, through lean times and good  times, she was there. And, of course, as she battled cancer her true colors glittered brightly. She valiantly fought it and accepted her fate without complaining. She was the hero in the family.

Quite honestly, I am lost without my true hero. Karen was not only my wife for 40 years, but she was the proverbial wind beneath my wings. She knew how to lift me up when I … STOP

… was down. And, conversely, she knew how to gently — and sometime no so gently — knock me down a peg or two when I got too cocky. She was my rudder, guiding me to the safe harbor where my Anchor rests.

And as I’ve stated before, my life song, The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me, states,

If anyone should ever write my life story
For whatever reason there might be
You’ll be there between each line of pain and glory
‘Cause you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.

Me? I’m just along for the ride!

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Wisdom is knowing what to do next. Virtue is doing it.

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Flowers

It’s time for another chapter from a book Karen and I received from JoAnn. It was from Rodale Press for Hallmark, 50 things that really matter.

I’ve been sharing some of the first person chapters — and throwing in my two cents worth. The book celebrates 50 of the simple things that really do matter in life. I share them to encourage you, enlighten you and enrich your soul. But, most of all, I hope they may inspire you to see the real value in life. So here goes …

People often send flowers to cheer up someone after an accident or a loss in the family. My father proved there’s an even better use.

A few years ago, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was a stressful, scary, emotional roller-coaster time for everyone in my family.

The tumor was the size of a golf ball and located close to his ear. The doctors said that the surgery would be very complicated and was likely to cost my father the hearing in one ear and paralyze half his face.. But it was absolutely necessary.

So they wheeled him into the operating room and worked on him for 12 1/2 hours. Thankfully, my dad came through the operation okay, and the tumor was benign. Still, he spent many weeks in the hospital, recovering from the surgery and at one point fighting meningitis. After that came long months of recovery.

Through it all, my mom never left his side. She took care of him, loved him, made him comfortable, and sat by him through his entire recovery time. She gave all of her self to him.

On the one-year anniversary of my dad’s surgery, he acknowledged how important she had been to him. He sent my mom a beautiful flower arrangement and included a card with this message: “I know this daylast year was a lot longer for you than it was for me. Thank you for being there then, now — and always.”

For once the roles reversed, and it wasn’t the person who was sick who got the flowers. It was the person who loved unconditionally and with all of her heart.

As Dad showed, it’s important to celebrate the people who hold your hand and never let go. They’re the true heroes.
By Leanne Coppola, 50 things that really matter, Rodale Press for Hallmark

I didn’t go through brain surgery or any other major surgery, but I share Leanne’s conclusion. It is important to celebrate the people who hold your hand and never let go.

Throughout my married life, I always tried to remind Karen how important she was to me with some token of appreciation. Often it was flowers, but it could have been something else … a dime store bracelet or a bottle of good wine. No reason. No holiday. Just spur of the moment. To let her know she was important to me and how much I appreciated her.

I still bring her flowers — a single rose — just about every week, even after five years of her death. And she knows — as I always wrote in notes and cards to her — it’s because of my love for her … from all our yesterdays, to today and for all eternity.

Sometimes, it’s just the little things that really matter.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: He has good judgment who relies not wholly on his own.

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Five Minute Friday — Visit

Here’s this week’s installment of Five Minute Friday. You might remember the task is to write for five minutes on a specific prompt word. The initiative was started by Lisa-Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-visit/) who figured, why not take five minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

This week’s prompt is VISIT. The timer is set … so here goes. {clock starts now}

I love to visit. I just returned from a lovely visit with Millie, my best friend’s mother. A few weeks back, just before Christmas, I connected with two friends and co-workers in Illinois. Over the summer, I stopped by to see another former co-worker and friend in Wisconsin.

Visits allow us to reconnect, to catch up, to keep tabs on people we love and respect, to share our lives and see how they intersect.

Because of distance, we’re not able to visit as often as we want with family and friends, so when we get the chance, it’s best to seize the opportunity.

I remember a visit Karen and I made the summer before she died. She called it her farewell tour, as she got to see some close friends in Illinois and Wisconsin she knew she would never see again on this earth. Despite chemo treatments, we made the 1,994.1 mile trek portal to portal and she was able to visit and laugh and cry and share her life and expectations. It was heart-warming to see this connection as a third party. You could feel the love as she sipped tea with Leita, or enjoyed a glass of iced tea with Rita … STOP

… or a cup of coffee with Marlene or a fruit drink with ValliJo.

Visits are the doorway to memories. They keep us connected in the present. They give us something to look forward to. Enjoy them.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Wisdom is the ability to discover alternatives.

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Let’s Talk About Sex

Wow. That got your attention.

Actually, I’m not writing about sex, just alluding to it and, as they say at the Chicken Ranch, “There’s nothing dirty going on.”

First, a preface to set the stage. Usually, when I’m driving, I unlock my mind and let it wander along the countryside {all the while being very careful and attentive to the road, mind you}. I never know where it’s going. It literally grazes free range style.

Yesterday on my way back from the printer’s in Pennsylvania, my mind focused on flannel. Why? Who knows! My mind does that sometime, sort of like the questions posed in the New York Lottery commercials.

Well, flannel migrated to my wife. Why? Who knows! See above.

That morphed into her sleeping — and pre-sleeping — attire. Why? Who knows! But it brought back many pleasant memories.

I thought I would keep them to myself, but last night, during the Detroit auditions on American Idol, what was Jennifer Lopez wearing? A flannel shirt/dress! It had to be a sign!

Over the years, Christmas presents I gave Karen always included bedtime attire. In fact, after a couple of years, she referred to the gift as my gift to myself. I had gotten her all sorts of nightwear over the years — from peignoir sets to satin gowns to baby dolls to teddies to negligees to lingerie to chemises to camisoles to kimonos to satin PJs. And she looked beautiful in each and every one of them.

I think she appreciated them over the years and kept most of them in her “special” drawer … except for one high cut red and black teddy she told me was the most uncomfortable thing she ever wore. Of course, my response was, “So, take it off.”

Of course my mind conjured up not only those pleasant memories but the whole lovemaking experience as well. It was never about the sex … it was always about the anticipation and what I liked to refer to as the day of foreplay.

Spontaneous sex is always enjoyable — and I could share a number of those, but I won’t — but what made intimate encounters so special were the little things that led up to it. The way the table was set. The food that was served. The touch. The brush. The music. The candles. The early shower {if Karen went up early to get a shower, I knew I still had about an hour or hour and a half to finish watching TV}. Her hair. Her makeup. Her tone. Her come hither call. And the list goes on …

But I digress from the original point.

One Christmas I gave Karen a flannel nightgown. She gave me a quizzical look. “Flannel?” she asked. “Is the romance dead?”

No, I assured her. She looks very sexy in flannel. I mean, she often wore my flannel shirts to bed and they not only warmed her, but me as well. I love the feel of soft flannel. I love the look of flannel. I love the smell of flannel … especially right out of the dryer and resting on my wife’s shoulders.

Karen was comfortable in the silk and satin and flannel and my old ratty, torn t-shirts. And we had soooo many memories. Way to go, mind!

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Of all the thinks you wear, your facial expression is the most important.

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Just Another ‘Great’ Day

I have a date with a pretty young girl.

No, I’m not a lecherous old man. Okay, I am old, but I’m not lecherous.

babyThe date is with my latest jewel, Addison Faith Kohlhofer … my new great-granddaughter. I haven’t made firm plans yet, but I’m thinking I’ll head out to the Buckeye state next weekend. And I can’t wait.

Adorable Addison made her debut at 5:09 p.m. Friday night at a very petite 5 pounds, 15 ounces and 19 inches of perfection. She and Mom Khristine are expected to be sprung from Flower Hospital in Toledo, OH, by grandson Zack today. Grandma Deanna and Grandpa Mike are excited. And Great-Grandpa Joe can’t wait to meet her up close and personal. Four generations … Wow. Who would have thunk! My only regret is Karen isn’t here to experience this with me.

I’m still not sure I’m ready for the “great” part. I always envisioned great-grandparents as, well, old. I suppose I am old but I don’t feel “great” old, just “grand” old. And, of course, this is my second shot at “great”-ness

But it reminds me I’m in another season in my life, my very blessed life. I’ve managed to grow up {okay, maybe in years, anyway} and watch my children and grandchildren grow up. Hopefully, I’ll get to witness at least some of my great-grandchildren’s lives … and still remember and appreciate it.

I think it’s amazing. I was an only child and Karen only had one sister. Yet, we brought five souls into the world, and they have added 17 more. Now Addison joins Payton as the next generation.

When I got the news — after following “progress” almost instantly through social media — I immediately thought of the presentation scene in The Lion King where Simba was lifted toward the heavens. I symbolically lift Addison toward the heavens, not for the oohs and aahs in this realm, but in appreciation of her Creator.

All I can do is pray for her — as I do for her parents and their parents’ parents. It’s a simple prayer. Lord, keep them close.

To Addison I utter the same prayer I prayed so many times over the years.

Lord, I thank you for this gift. Give my grandchildren the same strength and wisdom You blessed me and my children with to raise her as Your special child, with potential and possibilities way beyond their belief. They will not be perfect and neither were we. She will not be perfect and neither were we. But, let us all remember whose child she is … Yours. May Payton grow as a reflection of the One who made her all the days of her life.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.

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Awards

I’ve been putting this off, but it’s time to say “thank you” to two of my fellow bloggers for nominating me for awards.

sunshine-awardIt’s not that I am not appreciative. To the contrary, I do appreciate the accolades. I just don’t know I am worthy of the awards.

So I hereby humbly — humbly — acknowledge Chronicles of a Public Transit User for considering me — back on Oct. 5 — for both the Sunshine Award and Reader Appreciation Award. That was followed Dec. 16 by the gift of the Most Uplifting Blogger Award from DAF at dearanonymousfriend.

reader-app-award_thumb-1The Sunshine Award rules call for sharing 10 bits of information about myself. I think you know most of my character and life, so if some of it is repetitious, please forgive me. I am 66, widowed, the father of five, grandfather to 17 and great-grandfather to one and another expected tomorrow. {Is that five things?} I own my own community newspaper in upstate New York. Politically, I am an Independent, although I tend to be somewhat right of center with a strong sense of faith and family. I love to travel and don’t need a second invitation to take a road trip. I enjoy most sports and football is my favorite — Go Pack! You will almost always hear music in my life and you never know what genre you’ll hear. I don’t like all music — jazz, opera, hip-hop and rap come to mind — but I think I have a melodic palate that includes Christian to Adult Contemporary, Southern Gospel to Oldies/Classics, Country to Classical. My writing style is eclectic in the sense I don’t have a particular theme or agenda, but rather comment on whatever trips my trigger at the moment. Writing about my wife and her influence gives me the greatest joy. We’ll call that 10.

most-uplifting-blogger-award1The Most Uplifting Blogger Award calls for sharing seven things I am thankful for. In no particular order, I am thankful for my family and all they have taught me; my wife, who, although gone much too soon, was a 40 year helpmate and soulmate and muse; the journey I’ve taken, with all its twists, turns, ups and downs; for being blessed to live in the United States; for all the freedoms we enjoy; my friends — long time, new and online; and my faith. which has been a constant in an evolving journey.

And all three awards ask for a list of blogs followed … Most Uplifting Blogger, seven; Sunshine, 10; and Reader Appreciation, 15. Here they are:

http://www.journeywithd.com/
http://scootersic.empowernetwork.com/
http://lisajobaker.com/
http://texanaskitchen.com/
http://nedhickson.com/
http://bryanpattersonfaithworks.wordpress.com/
http://morningstoryanddilbert.wordpress.com/
http://maryannemistretta.wordpress.com/
http://dearanonymousfriend.wordpress.com/
http://publictransituser.wordpress.com/
http://barrymccormick.com/
http://fieldnotesfromfatherhood.com/
http://lisajohnsonsawyer.com/
http://sfoxwriting.com/
http://ballybin.wordpress.com/

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Smiles are like colds – they’re catching.

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Alexa Ranks and Other Gobbledygook

I recently became an administrator at Fellowship of Christian Bloggers (FOCB), although I don’t really know what that means except I get to visit other incredible Christian blogs. I’m working my way through the extensive 373 member list and keeping tabs with them through my reader.

David Brown has assumed web leadership of the group and, along with Jan Christiansen (who originated the group), Leslie Jenkins (who designed the new format), Lori Ettel, Mark Luker, Idella Luster, Carolyn Roth, Rachel Stephenson, Valarie Wyatt and myself (administrators) have created an easy to follow site crammed with quality Christians writers, each with distinctive God-given abilities and talents. Visit us at http://www.focbonline.com/focb/.

In addition to blog listings (Our Members, Member Director), the site includes Google Page Rank, Global Alexa Rank, and the number of pages indexed by Google and David is hoping to add some other metrics soon. He explains, “Blogging to encourage others and [to] glorify God is way more important than just the numbers, but these do help us understand how well were doing to get our posts out there so others can see and read them. Numbers aren’t the most important thing, but they do matter.”

The numbers are updated daily and each site is ranked. The top 50 blogs on the FOCB are awarded a special Top 50 Blog badge.

But the rest of the metrics are Greek to me. I know they are important, but more so for commercialization. There is a whole SEO (search engine optimization) science and a host of optimizers ready, willing and able to assist with manipulating your blog through well placed words and tags for more readership. And in the world of commercialism, more readership means more advertising potential.

At this point in my life, that’s not a high priority but it is fun looking at my “numbers”. I’m not quite sure what they mean, but it does give a frame of reference.

PageRank is an algorithm used by the Google web search engine to rank websites in their search engine results. According to Google, PageRank works by counting the number and quality of links to a page to determine a rough estimate of how important the website is. The underlying assumption is more important websites are likely to receive more links from other websites. It is not the only algorithm used by Google to order search engine results, but it is the first algorithm used by the company, and it is the most well-known. Google uses an automated web spider called Googlebot to actually count links and gather other information on web pages.

My Google PageRank is 2 on a scale of 1-10. Well, two is on the low side, but it’s better than 1.

There are lots of way a blogger or a webmaster determines the success of his/her blog. Alexa is among them. Basically it’s a web analytical company and it gives rank to websites/blogs according to their daily visitors and page views. Run by E-commerce giant Amazon.com, it focuses on its web analytical capabilities and today is the leading web analytical company.

What rank is considered decent in Alexa’s ranking?

The lower the better, if you’re rank is under 100,000 in Alexa’s ranking then its considered more than good. The rank, again, is an important factor in legalizing the advertising space on your blog or website.

I’m told, every blogger likes a good Alexa ranking since the better your Alexa rank is, the more traffic it will generate. An Alexa rank can range from one to a billion based off the number of websites there are.

I’m a far cry from those numbers at 9,954,015.

The last metric totally confuses me. Pages indexed by Google I think means how many pages you have to go through to find my blog. When you search  “wisdom from a father” at Google, I suspect it would take about 1,240 pages to find me. However, on Yahoo or Bing, it showed up on page 1.

Bottom line … I’ll stick with Bing.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: A smile is a window on your face that shows your heart is at home.

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