Family ties

I just got home a little while ago from a family reunion in New Jersey. What a trip … and that’s a good thing!

But before I get too far, let’s rewind a few months. At my dad’s funeral, a few of my first and second cousins were remarking about how the only time we get to see each other was at funerals. And cousins Judy, Lois, Marion and others rolled up their sleeves and planned a quick family get together. What resulted was over 100 adults and 25 children spanning six DeGrezia generations gathering to share a meal, laugh, reminisce, laugh some more, eat some more, laugh, hug, meet relatives we didn’t even know we had, laugh, snack, try to figure out who fit where on the genealogy tree, laugh, hug, swap photos, hit the dessert table (more than once), recall personal memories, take a group photo {I promise I’ll post it when I get a copy, but I really don’t know how the photographer will or got all of us in one shot}, hug some more, grab a dessert for the road, laugh, say our goodbyes and leave with a new appreciation for family. And for every one of us there, there was another who couldn’t attend for one reason or another.

The sun peeked through the clouds, the breeze was refreshing, the temperature was comfortable. The day truly was perfect as our common ancestors watched over us with a sense of pride — nonagenarians to toddlers to a couple of buns in the oven — and their heaven mates said, “This is good.”

We took time out to remember those who went before us and celebrated the lives that gave us life and identity, complete with their quirks, warts, accomplishments, failures. And it struck me, the most endearing quality handed down generation to generation to generation to generation to generation to generation was family. We can choose our friends, but family is family. It’s a special bond.

I don’t think I was alone. I didn’t see one sad face in the sea of DeGrezias. My daughter quipped she had never seen so many hands talking in one place before.

It started with Italian immigrants from Avellino, Josephina and Modestino DeGrezia. They had a daughter, Louise (Modestino Siccardi), and five sons, Chappy, Sal, Emil, Frank and Tony. I, of course, come from the Louise root.

We figured the last DeGrezia family reunion was about 16 or 17 years ago. The last one I remember going to was about 30 years ago. That’s just too long, so I am happy to report the reunion committee has already decided to meet regularly and plan the next one next year. One of the thoughts being floated is possibly a Thanksgiving gathering. Now that would truly be something to give thanks for.

And, to think, all that joy came from a chance conversation after the sadness of a funeral in July.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: When God made you, He wasn’t having a bad day. He made you to be the way you are on purpose. He finished creating you and then He stepped back and said, “That was good. I like that … another masterpiece.”

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Beer with Jesus

I haven’t always been a country music fan. In fact, having been city born and bred, country was “hillbilly” … you know Rednecks with beer bellies and rusty old dirty pick-up trucks with gun racks. Oh, wait a minute … that’s me!

But, in truth, I always preached country music shouldn’t be played in anything but a rusty old dirty pick-up truck. Then I bought one and became a convert.

To be sure, there is some hillbilly twang on the country circuit and the lyrics … well, let’s just say there are a lot of double entendres there. But, they are honest, honest to goodness honest.

As Brad Paisley sings it,

You’re not supposed to say
The word cancer in a song
And tellin’ folks Jesus is the answer
Can rub ’em wrong
It ain’t hip to sing about tractors, trucks,
Little towns and mama
Yeah that might be true
But this is country music and we do
Well, you like to drink a cold one
On the weekend and get a little loud
Do you wanna say I’m sorry or I love ya
But you don’t know how?
Do you wish somebody had the nerve
To tell that stupid boss of yours
To shove it next time he yells at you?
Well, this is country music, and we do
So turn it on, turn it up and sing along
This is real, this is your life in a song
Yeah this is country music …

But I digress. The other day I heard Beer with Jesus by Thomas Rhett. Well, actually I head it a few weeks ago, but actually listened to the words the other day while captive recuperating from sinus issues.

Here they are …

If I could have a beer with Jesus
Heaven knows I’d sip it nice and slow
I’d try to pick a place that ain’t too crowded
Or gladly go wherever he wants to go

You can bet I’d order up a couple tall ones
Tell the waitress put ’em on my tab
I’d be sure to let him do the talkin’
Careful when I got the chance to ask

How’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
Do you hear the prayers I send
What happens when life ends
And when you think you’re comin’ back again
I’d tell everyone, but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

If I could have a beer with Jesus
I’d put my whole paycheck in that jukebox
Fill it up with nothing but the good stuff
Sit somewhere we couldn’t see a clock

Ask him how’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
Have you been there from the start
How’d you change a sinner’s heart
And is heaven really just beyond the stars
I’d tell everyone, but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

He can probably only stay, for just a couple rounds
But I hope and pray he’s stayin’ till we shut the whole place down

Ask him how’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
What’s on the other side?
Is mom and daddy alright?
And if it ain’t no trouble tell them I said hi
I’d tell everyone but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus
I’d tell everyone but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

Well, that got me to thinking what I would ask Jesus if we just hung out over a beer … or wine or whatever. Certainly all Thomas’ questions would be on the list, but I would probably add a few more. Like …

If this salvation thing is so simple, why is it so hard for us numskulls to understand it?

Why are there so many distortions to the truth?

Why did you pick that time and place to enter our world? Why not sooner? Or later?

But, more important, I would borrow a line from Thomas Rhett. I’d be sure to let him do the talkin’ … Careful when I got the chance to ask.

What about you? What questions would you have if you had a chance to have a beer with Jesus?

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: God is not the one condemning you. That is the accuser. You may have failed, but God’s mercy never fails. The sad thing is, most people accept the condemnation quicker than they accept God’s mercy. The moment you asked for forgiveness, God forgave you.

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It’s the economy

I’m sorry, President Obama, I thought the economy was getting better but, alas, I was wrong … and I have some very unscientific research to back up my conclusions.

You see, I haven’t found a penny in parking lots in weeks.

Don’t laugh. That little piece of copper is a good indicator of the economy. When people think they’re doing okay financially, when they drop a penny they think nothing of leaving the errant coin where it falls. And others can’t be bothered to stoop and pick it up, so they continually pass them by.

I’ve become somewhat of an economic expert based on my penny watching over the years. Back in the boon years, nary a day went by without my coming across a penny or two … or even a nickel, dime and occasional quarter (a bonanza!). I remember the day I found an unscratched scratch-off that yielded 20 bucks when I cleared off the silver strips.

Then everything fell apart and my coming across an errant penny became less frequent. Other coin? Forget about it!

I got excited a few months back, though. After six or seven months of no reward in the parking lots, I actually came across a shiny — okay, beaten battered and encrusted in mud — penny. The next day, another. A couple days later, another. Over the next three weeks, my penny jar swelled  by about 15 cents!

Yeah! The economy was turning around!

But that was six weeks ago. Day by day. Week by week. Nothing. No pennies. That little spurt was an aberration.

So, sorry President O. The economy just hasn’t improved. But I’ll keep looking for the pennies.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Guilt will steal your joy.

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Made in Jersey

 

I tuned into Made in Jersey {more accurately TiVoed it}, probably more because I was made in Jersey and thought the show might have promise. It didn’t. In fact the story about a street-smart sassy girl from Hoboken making it at a prestigious New York City law firm officially became the first casualty of the new TV season. CBS pulled the plug after just two episodes.

This show showed what is wrong with television. There was nothing innovative about it, the characters were stereotyped and it had more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese. I couldn’t figure how Martina Garretti (Janet Montgomery) got from Hoboken to New York City. I know it’s just a ferry ride, but somehow Martina’s role as a prosecutor was weaved into the storyline, bringing her to Trenton. That, my friends, is a long way from New York City and Hoboken, even by New Jersey standards. The accent wasn’t really “Jersey.” And her family — mom and two sisters — got in the way.

So, if you missed it, well … you didn’t miss much. But it’s too bad because Jersey gets a bad rap living in the shadow of New York City … and this just played into it.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: You can’t do anything about your past, but you can do something about your future.

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Wednesday writing

I often though it would be cool to work on a collaborative community “novel” … or at least a short story. I know it’s been done before, but I have never done it. Now is as good a time as ever.

I’m floating the idea here on my blog.

Simply put, I am inviting readers – and that includes Reveille/Between the Lakes readers as well – to contribute to an ongoing story. As long as there is interest, I’ll continue to advance the storyline.

I have no expectations about where the story will go. In fact, I don’t even have a storyboard or outline. I’m trusting in your imagination and direction. Will it end up being a mystery? A romance? A comedy? A drama? A slice of life? Inspiration?

We’ll decide together.

The plan is to get you started and have you submit continuing paragraph(s) each week. Together, we will flesh out the storyline, develop characters, possibly throw in some curves or red herrings. In the end I hope we will be able to come up with a readable piece we will all be proud to share with family and friends.

All you have to do is put down your thoughts and get them to me. You can post your ideas as comments on the blog – remember everyone will see them, so the “surprise” factor might get lost – or you can e-mail me directly at revblt@rochester.rr.com. Each Wednesday I will continue the story on the blog, along with that week’s attribution. I’ll keep Reveille/Between the Lakes readers informed of our progress periodically, but invite you, too, to check out the blog.

To get you started, I’ll begin …

I was driving alone on the dark black asphalt, seemingly darker because of ominous clouds on the horizon ranging from steel gray to puffs of white. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of white as the sun tried to peek out from behind the clouds. It didn’t succeed, but first a ray rained into the picture, followed by a halo of rays.

My name is …

There you go, readers. My name is … and what is his or her story? Why was he/she on the road? Where was he/she going? What did the rays mean? How do they relate to the story?

I hope we can have some fun with this.

Remember, comment at wisdomfromafather.com or e-mail me at revblt@rochester.rr.com.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: If a battle doesn’t stand between you and your God-given destiny, simply ignore it.

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The dead duck

It’s a tried and true parable. I’ve read in a number of times, and I’m sure you have too. But it is worth repeating. Do here goes…

Nine year old Sam was visiting his grandparents’ big farm where he loved to walk in the woods with his slingshot. He practiced shooting rocks at trees and bottles and cans, but he didn’t hit much. You see, Sam was still working on his accuracy.

One evening after a day in the woods, he heard the dinner bell calling him home. As Sam walked toward the house he spotted his grandmother’s pet duck walking by the pond. He never dreamed in a million years he could hit the duck, but just for fun he pulled the slingshot back and let it fly. Believe it or not, the rock hit the duck square in the head. The duck dropped dead without even one last quack!

Sam was shocked. He’d never hit anything he aimed at! He felt terrible.

In a panic, he ran to the dead duck and carried it behind the barn where he buried it in the woodpile. Sam was headed into the house, feeling terrible still, when he spotted his 12 year old sister, Julie, and realized she’d watched the whole sordid affair.

That night after dinner, their grandmother said, “Julie, I’d like you to stay and help me do the dishes if you don’t mind.”

“Grandmother,” she replied, “I’d love to, but Sam said he wants to do the dishes tonight.”

As she walked out past Sam, she whispered in his ear, “Remember the duck.” Trapped, Sam went over and did the dishes.

The next morning their grandfather invited both Sam and Julie to go fishing, but his wife had another plan. “I really need Julie to stay here and help me do some chores,” Grandmother said.

Julie countered, “Grandmother, Sam said he’d like to stay with you and help you out today.”

Once again, his sister walked past Sam and muttered, “Remember the duck.” Sam did the chores. Julie went fishing.

After a couple of days of hard labor, doing both Julie’s chores and his own, Sam had had enough. He fessed up.

“Grandmother, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, but I killed your duck.”

His kindly grandmother gave him a big hug. “Sammie, I know what happened,” she said. “I was standing at the window watching the whole thing take place. I saw how shocked you were and I’ve already forgiven you. I’ve just be waiting to see how long you would let Julie make a slave of you.”

That’s the problem with guilt. It turns you into a slave. Sammie was so guilty for killing the pet duck, he tried to hide it, but was caught by his sister. And she took advantage of his guilt.

Sure, we have to have remorse, but we shouldn’t hang on to the guilt. It’s better to fess up and be forgiven. Notice, I didn’t say it was forgotten, but the act — whatever it was — was forgiven.

We all have something in our lives we would do over. But it is remembering what we did and, more important, what we learned that overpowers any guilt. We cannot wallow in it or it will swallow us up.

If you’re weighed down by anxiety caused by guilt, make a clean break. If possible, make amends to the one you hurt. Just blurt out “I’m sorry!” and see where it goes.

And that goes for our heavenly Father as well. Just blurt out “I’m sorry!”  You might hear Him say, “I know what happened. I was watching the whole thing take place. I saw how shocked you were and I’ve already forgiven you. I’ve just be waiting to see how long you would let yourself be a slave.”

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Guilt puts you on a treadmill. You’re constantly working and struggling and sweating, but you don’t move forward.

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Laughter

Mark Underwood is a neuroscience researcher, president and co-founder of Quincy Bioscience, a biotech company located in Madison, WI. He maintains we should laugh more because laughing is a good remedy for many things in life. We all need humor and levity to combat daily stresses. Laughing is not only a great release; it is available to everyone, anywhere, anytime.

Can laughter really have hidden benefits other than simply being an automatic emotional response to seeing or hearing something funny?
University of Maryland Medical Center (UMMC) researchers say yes. They studied people who laugh every day, several times a day to see if there was a connection between laugher and health benefits.

What they found was on a biological level laughing introduces additional oxygen into the body. Lymph fluids are circulated and increased levels of oxygen boost immune system function. Laughing, in a sense, “pumps” oxygen through vital organs and tissues, which need the oxygen to repair damage, fight infection and keep you feeling healthy.

People who laugh on a consistent basis tend to have lower blood pressure than those who laugh occasionally. Many studies have looked at the benefits of laughing and the heart. The UMMC was the first research university to find a link between laugher and lowering heart disease. They found people with heart disease laughed, on average, 40% less than people of the same age without heart disease.

Humans have a natural instinct for laughter. Babies usually begin to laugh at four months old. It appears that laughter may be one of the few universal traits found across human cultures. Laughter is a universal language humans share.

We know adults are far less likely to laugh than children. In fact, the average child laughs over 300 times a day, while the typical adult only laughs 17 times a day. Even worse is the fact a majority of adults who report laughing on a daily basis fall into the age range of 18 to 34.

Humor and laughter may also have powerful effects on memory, brain health and aging. If the mental effects of laughter are as positive as the physical, then it is time to learn a few new jokes, gather some friends and start improving your brain health the easy way. Make them laugh. Polish those punch lines and improve your brain health.

If you are an adult who doesn‘t laugh enough, then it’s time to start laughing and help your body feel better while having some fun. According to a Stanford researcher, laughing is like jogging while standing in place. Laughing is actually a physical workout. {it works for me!} Remember the last time your stomach hurt from laughing too much? You did a whole abdominal workout that was more fun than crunches and sit-ups any day. One minute of laughter is equal to using a rowing machine for 10 minutes.

Here are some tips to add more laughter in your life:

Find humor in everyday things.

Be a child again. Find amusement in the most ordinary things.

Increase your exposure to comedy such as funny books, movies and live theater.

Make sure you have funny friends.

Take time each day to laugh.

If you hear a joke that makes you laugh, remember it. Chances are it will make someone else laugh too!

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: A bulldog can whip a skunk any day of the week. But sometimes even a dog realizes it’s just not worth the stink.

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Keeping My Secrets

This review by Deanna Kohlhofer first appeared in the Reveille/Between the Lakes

Memories – we all have them. Some more than others … but we all have them. We have memories we choose to “forget” and others we cherish. Some we remember fondly with smiles and giggles while others turn our tummies into a butterfly convention.

Keeping My Secrets is a book about one woman’s memories. In her short book, Marilynn Arkerson chronicles the stories that shaped who she has become. As with any of us, there are bad choices and heartache. There are secrets and stolen innocence. There is anger and rebellion.

But this is not the focus of the book. Bursting forth page after page is love, grace and forgiveness. Marilynn Arkerson gets it. Healing is brought forth only in conjunction with these things.

What I liked about this book is the fact the author not only recounted the details of her life, but she connected the dots. She pieced together the events of her life and found her story within the bigger story.

“I looked back at all these years of lessons learned, all the hurt that life installs upon you, all the lost friends and loves and I finally got it. This plan that the Almighty Lord has for us, carries many things for us to hold in our hearts and minds. Some are sweet-smelling roses and others are dark hurtful stings.”

If you had to write a book about your life, would you recognize God’s hand in the events that shape who you are?

Kohlhofer is a contributor to the Reveille/Between the Lakes and has her own blog at journeywithd.com and recently wrote her own e-book, What’s Your Story?

Keeping My Secrets: But Not From Him – He Is All-Knowing, Self-published by WestBow Press, a subsidiary of Thomas Nelson Publishing, ISBN 978-1-4497-2042-1 (soft cover), ISBN 978-1-4497-2060-5 (hard cover)

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Choose your battles wisely.

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A Moment with God

Did you ever have a real moment with God? I mean, a burning bush moment?

I did. On my wedding day.

Without a doubt, it was the happiest day of my life … and the scariest. I’m going to be honest with you, most of the day was a blur. I can remember snippets — important snippets — but I couldn’t weave in too many details.

What is true is I did get “lost.” No, it wasn’t second thoughts or cold feet. I was a bundle of nerves waiting and waiting in the cavernous cathedral on what had to be one of the hottest days of the summer. So, I went out the back door into a little courtyard for some air.

That’s when I saw the stray dog and we really had a conversation. A I was petting this mutt I was telling him how happy I was and I expressed my fears about the commitment I was about to make. What kind of husband would I be? Would I always treat my wife with the respect she deserves? Would I be able to provide for her and hopefully our brood of kids? What was the future going to bring?

I can’t really describe it, but as the dog just sat there wagging its tail, I became much calmer, more confident this was right and God-ordained. I knew right then and there it didn’t matter what the future brought our way. Together we could tackle any problem, climb every mountain, face any situation as long as we remained true to each other.

I’m not dyslexic, but I am convinced in my heart of hearts that wasn’t a dog out there … it was a God moment. And I say that because as suddenly as the dog appeared, it took off as the door opened and my best man “found” me. He never saw the dog. But I did.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: You must take what God gives you and make the very most of it.

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Changes

I was listening to a radio program this morning and the host was relating how his profession had changed since he first started. There were cathode ray tubes, tapes, stopwatches … now it’s all digital.

It reminded me of the changes in my profession. Gone are teletypes, manual typewriters, red editor’s pencils, Linotypes, galley proofs, typographers, chases, lead plates. Back when I started in the newspaper business, it would take three to four hours from final copy to first paper. Today, we write, edit and paginate on a computer screen. When I hit the send button for my paginated PDF, it takes less than an hour to get that first paper. And I was a part of the evolution. While in Illinois, our newspaper was one the first among small newspapers to go “electronic.” And I introduced laptop remote pagination to the Diocese of Toledo.

Those memories shifted to my evolution of my faith, from my early rigid Catholic upbringing to my realization there is a gigantic difference between religion and faith. And I owe a lot of the transition to my wife Karen.

We came to our “meeting with Jesus” moment much differently. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t trust in the Lord with all my heart. I made that commitment formally the day I received Confirmation way back in grade school. At that time, I pledged my heart and soul to the Lord.

Karen’s journey was a little different. While she, too, was raised in the Catholic church as a youngster, it wasn’t until March 1977 she fully understood and accepted Jesus as her Lord and personal Savior.

I traveled the traditional path. Karen enjoyed a rebirth. I focused on the Old Testament as a foundation for the New Testament. Karen reveled in the New Testament as a fulfillment of the Old Testament. I was more comfortable with orthodoxy and hymns. Karen enjoyed good worship music and energized services. I had an exclusive personal relationship with God. Karen was more inclusive. I wasn’t confident sharing my faith. Karen was quite comfortable sharing her faith. I was reluctant to lead prayer. Karen was open and willing to lead prayer.

From those two divergent views, we came together with a common purpose. Karen introduced me to contemporary Christian music. I taught her how to discern matters of faith. Karen opened my world to diversity and evangelization. I drew her into a deeper personal relationship with the Lord. Karen showed me how to share my faith. I showed her how to live her faith.

But I think the turning point — the moment when we turned onto the same page — was born from a “discussion” we had in Illinois shortly after Karen was reborn. We were at a crossroad … she was attending a Pentecostal church while I was going to Mass at the Catholic chapel in the local hospital. Everything was going wrong and we got into one of the very, very few arguments about something. I flew out of the house and peeled out of the driveway, spending the next few hours at the park in Belvidere.

The next couple of days were strained to say the least. That weekend, she went off to her church and I went off to mine. When we got back I said, “we have to talk about this.” She said, “Yes we do.”

So we set aside the time to just talk. Neither of us could remember what sparked the original argument. The conversation quickly turned to our faith journeys.

I told her I was uncomfortable with her church which, to me, was too Pentecostal and had some questionable doctrines. I liked the pastor and the people, but it seemed too divisive. The church seemed too willing to separate the sheep and to cast non-members as non-believers who should be avoided … even if they were spouses. Karen wanted to be baptized again at that church. I told her I wouldn’t stand in her way, but before she made that decision, she should pray on it and check out its doctrines, especially concerning speaking in tongues as a prerequisite for believers. Just because the pastor says something doesn’t make it true.

She told me she wasn’t comfortable in a Catholic church. “All you do is stand up, sit down, kneel down, stand up,” she noted. “There’s no worship, no songs of praise.  Even during the sermons, rarely do you hear a priest talk about Scripture or the plan of salvation. It’s the same thing, over and over. And when was the last time you saw a Catholic with a Bible? They don’t even bring them to church.”

The debate lingered. My defense was simply my faith was in Jesus Christ; I believed Jesus Christ was the promised Savior; He became man and died to free my personal sins; through Jesus Christ I was assured salvation. My religion was an extension of my faith.”

But she pressed me further and asked if I was a Christian (remember, she had been reborn just a few months back). I answered a resounding “Yes!” but I was taken aback. How could this baby in faith question me … who had walked the walk for years?

“I thought so,” she replied. “But I never was sure.”

It was a sobering moment for me. I guess I may have walked the walk, but I certainly didn’t share that walk, especially with Karen.

But the discussion became an opportunity for us to get on the same faith page. We both learned — sometimes to our regret — congregations can become so wrapped up in the form of faith, they forget the substance of faith. Going to church becomes an obligation rather than the celebration it was intended to be … a celebration of praise and thanksgiving to our Father for the gift of His Son through the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives … a celebration of repentance for or transgressions against God and our fellow man … a celebration of prayer and fellowship with others and ourselves … a celebration of our faith as told through Scripture … a celebration of our victory in Jesus Christ through the actuality of Eucharist.

Karen taught me those truths.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: “I don’t know the secret of success, but I do know the secret of failure, and that is to try to please everybody.” — Bill Cosby

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