Five Minute Friday — Notice

Posted on November 21, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

Friday. Friday. It’s time for Five Minute Friday.

This week’s prompt is NOTICE and I thought I would share just observations I’ve had, all kicking off with the prompt word.

Timer is on. Ready. Set. GO …

Notice how many tattoos and body piercings are around. Kids want them earlier and earlier. I understand the need for individuality but it seems to me standing out has gone to exremes and has now become the ordinary. And, I’m showing my age. I realize it’s generational.

Notice how the days seem so much longer and the nights seem so much shorter.

Notice in newspapers, foreclosure notices and LLC {business} startups have increased.

Notice how many non-married couples are having babies. Seems like the convention of traditional marriage is slowly eroding.

Notice how restless people are.

Notice the Christmas creep. I thought for awhile I slept through Thanksgiving … only to discover it’s next week.

Notice despite reports the economy is … STOP

… “improving,” more and more people are in need.

Well, that’s some random rambling on the prompt. Notice how I worked that in?

What about you, what have you noticed lately?

Join my friends and I at Kate’s place (http://katemotaung.com/2014/11/20/five-minute-friday-notice/) to see the take my writing cohorts have come up with this week.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: God, clear my mind of any negative thoughts today, so I may see the designed plan You have for my life. Amen!

Posted in Five Minute Friday, observations | Tagged , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Happy Birthday Honey

Posted on November 20, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

From Your Husband with Love

Sometimes I fuss (as you well know)
And even cuss (not often though)
Sometimes I preach but still it’s true
My favorite speech is I LOVE YOU!

15 monthsIt’s that time of the year … my wife’s birthday. Karen would have been 67 today.

Quite honestly, I didn’t know how to approach it this year any more than I have for the past six years. We never really “celebrated” birthdays, especially as we got older. It was just another day with “real life” stuff getting in the way. Sure, there were cards, and flowers {including this year} and presents. I would have made plans for a romantic dinner and perhaps a concert or football game.

And I would have told her a hundred times {okay, maybe not a hundred, but a lot} how much I loved her. Love, like in respect and appreciation and unfailing. I still do that even though our conversations are one-sided and through a bronze veil.6

I was privileged to watch Karen grow up from an 18 year old siren to a strong, passionate, loving, caring, compassionate and grounded wife and mother {and grandmother}. That was the future I envisioned when I saw that scrawny girl way back when. I believed in her … and she believed in me.

Karen had an incredible passion for life, although her early experiences growing up often quelled that fire. She was realistic … I was the dreamer. She saw the glass half empty … I saw it half full. She was prone to worry … I was aloof.engagement pix

It was precisely this disparity, I think, that made our marriage work. Very few times in our 40 years together were we both approaching life’s situations the same way … or as she was fond saying, “right brain … left brain.” It was Karen’s realism that tempered my dreams, just as much as it was my aloofness that quieted her fears. We never really decided whether the glass was half full or half empty. Instead we both became grateful we had a glass at all.having fun

I wish things were different. I wish Karen was still here with me physically. I miss teasing her and being teased by her. I miss her smile and even her occasional grumpiness — especially in the dawn’s early light. But, it’s not. Life has a way of changing expectations.

We had a great ride. That’s why I can still say:birthday

With all my love, Happy, Happy Birthday … For all our yesterdays … Today … and throughout Eternity.

I LOVE YOU!

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Encouragement and words of kindness are gifts you give that can be priceless, yet cost nothing.

Posted in Birthdays, celebration, encouragement, family, love, marriage, Memories, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s All About the Bass

Posted on November 19, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

I live a very routine life. I may not perform tasks at the same time, but it’s generally in the same sequence. Quiet time. Make coffee. Check my glucose and blood pressure. Make breakfast. Take my pills. Turn on the television to listen to background music. Check e-mails, Facebook, blog reader and my bank account in that order. Get on with the day. When I listen to music, it’s generally Beautiful Instrumentals, with alternating Malt Shop Oldies and 60s Revolution on Saturdays and Positively Sunday on GAC on Sundays.

Last Saturday I was listening to Malt Shop Oldies. My 12 year old grandson listened along for awhile before announcing his dissatisfaction with my listening preference. The song was  Mockingbird. He just got up from the couch and said, “I don’t get it. There’s no bass. It needs bass.”

A little while later he came back with me still listening to Malt Shop Oldies. This time it was Sam Cooke’s Only Sixteen. He stood there for a couple of minutes and with full animation said, “It’s crazy. There’s no bass. It needs bass. I just don’t understand, why don’t they use some bass?”

I had to chuckle before trying to explain to him baaaack then, artists didn’t have the tools of today. No sound boards. No acoustics. No pre-programmed beats and melodies. No synthesizers. What you heard was the band performing as an accompaniment to the singer. The lyrics — whether they made sense or not — was the focus, not the loudness of the guitars and drums.

But what made me chuckle was the tete-a-tete between us. It brought me back to the days when I was saying “I don’t get it” to my parents and their Big Band and Jazz recordings. And as I uttered the words, “You know, today’s music is nothing more than noise … real, loud noise,” I remember those same words coming from Mom and Dad as they listened to my generation’s songs, usually played a little louder in volume than they were accustomed to.

I vividly remember my Dad yelling at me one night after work. I had used the car the night before and had left WCBS on the radio. I also had the volume pumped up. “I got in the car this morning,” he said, “and almost lost my hearing! Why do you have to listen to that junk so loud?”

And I thought he was going to lose it when I installed rear speakers in the Chevy.

Back then, of course, we were limited to radio stations. We also listened on AM, with all its screechiness and fading. Ah, those were the days.

I confess, I grew up on volume. To this day, you can often hear me coming down the street well before you see me. But I never was much into bass. I wanted to hear the purity of the music … not watch my speakers gyrate. I wanted to hear the strings. I wanted to hear the percussion. I wanted to hear the brass. But most of all, I wanted to listen to the lyrics and the silver-throated voices of the singers.

I guess eveything — or every conversation — old is new again.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: The best I can do is sustain and live a life where respect, love and a caring heart are on display for others and try to hold the bar high for them to see. Being me is all I have to offer. Being TRUE to me is all I have to offer myself.

Posted in family, grandchildren, growing old, growing up, Memories, relationships, songs | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Five Minute Friday — Still

Posted on November 14, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

It took me about three seconds to determine the direction I would take for this week’s Five Minute Friday.

The prompt is STILL and I was immediately drawn to Psalm 46:10 — Be still and know that I am God. More specifically, I recalled the song Be Still by the Celebrant Singers. And, if I am able to navigate transferring media, I hope to share it with you.

But before we get too far, you have to know some background.

If you’ve been following my posts, you know Five Minute Friday is an exercise where hundreds of bloggers collect their thoughts on the prompt word then meet up at Kate’s place (http://katemotaung.com/2014/11/13/five-minute-friday-still/) to share our efforts and encourage each other. I have to tell you, some of the work that shows up is absolutely inspiring. Just think of a couple of hundred people expressing themselves, each coming from a different place with their own experiences shared in personal testimony through narratives, poetry and prose. It gives you a whole new perspective … all through one single, solitary word.

The Celebrant Singers’ version of Be Still has a very special place in my heart. I had heard it dozens of times, but it never really resonated until I heard it in the aftermath of Karen’s death. It became my mantra in those long, lonely days and empty nights after the kids went home and things started “quieting” down. Numbness set it. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I didn’t want to go out of the house and I didn’t want to stay there. I thought I was losing my mind.

Fortunately, my faith kicked in … and kicked me into proactive action.

I recognized I needed help. I was floundering on my own and needed a fresh perspective. By happenstance — is there ever really happenstance? — there was an ad announcing a bereavement support group just starting through the spiritual care department at a local hospital. I had opportunities for grief counseling in the county, but I knew so many people. I just didn’t want to expose myself to people I knew.

When I walked into the chapel for the meeting, I still wasn’t really sure this was the right route to go. But when I looked around and saw the grief on my fellow travelers’ faces and heard Gail’s reassuring voice, I knew I was among friends.

It was painful. I was the rookie of the group — the youngest and the most recently widowed. I allowed the others to step up as I quietly listened. One woman nursed her husband for years battling cancer. Another lost her husband to a sudden heart attack. A woman and her daughter lost a son and brother to suicide. A man came home from work and found his wife dead at the bottom of the stairs. When it was my turn, I offered my tale of woe and, like the others before me, through plenty of tears.

But as I drove home, it dawned on me I was blessed. I had a chance to say goodbye and I knew Karen didn’t suffer long.

Gail kept us on track, touching raw nerves and helping us understand the chaotic emotions we were going through. I was listening to the Celebrant Singers CD on the way home that first night. The opening lyrics of Be Still are “You’re asking me to tell you how I feel. Well, there’s an ache inside, I don’t think it will heal. But when hope is hard to see, I hear you say to me, ‘Be still and know that I am God’…” By the end of the six weeks, I could focus on the closing lyrics, “…You’re asking me to tell you how I feel. Well, there’s an ache inside, But I think it will heal. ’Cause when hope is hard to see, I hear you say to me, ‘Be still and know that I am God’…”

Over the years, whenever I feel myself spinning out of control, I remember those words from Psalm 46:10.

The song is about five minutes … so it’s my contribution this week. May it console you as it has consoled me. You have to click on the link and it takes a little while to load, but I think you’ll enjoy it. START

http://media.io/x-accel-download/04%20Be%20Still.wav?514821b0-6c51-11e4-850a-448a5b670d81

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: I believe in spite of the pain, in spite of the adversity, I’m still in the game. God is going to make the rest of my life the best of my life.

Posted in encouragement, family, Five Minute Friday, Memories, relationships, songs | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Quandary

Posted on November 8, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

I saw a video a little while back that has left me in a quandary. My feelings were definitely mixed.

I’m not going to share it — many have probably seen it and it is a little disturbing. It depicts a typical middle school boy bullying one of his classmates … a larger, quieter boy who took the pokes and verbal abuse until he snapped in Ralphie style when he picked up — literally — the smart ass punk and body slammed him onto the pavement. The boy got up dazed, I suspect a little bloodied and definitely feeling the pain inflicted upon him. All this went on while classmates watched and at least one person caught the confrontation presumably with his/her cell phone.

That’s where the quandary comes in. Part of me wanted to scream, “Take that you little bully shit.” Another part of me felt sorry for the little punk. And most of my thought went out to both protagonists … the bully who will carry the scars of the body slam for years and the bullied boy and his family who likely faced repercussions from the assault.

Just so you know, I would classify myself as a dovish hawk. I believe in justified violence … but only after all other more diplomatic efforts are exhausted. I don’t condone bullying and realize sometimes, just sometimes, the only way to stop it is to, well, stop it. I feel the larger boy was well within his rights to retaliate. It may have been an unexpected response to the ridicule, but it certainly made an impact.

I only got into one fight in my life. I was that larger boy in high school. It all happened during a high school bowling league. I was captain of the Don Bosco Tech squad involved in an important match. On the lanes next to us was a squad from Paterson Tech. They were not being serious and, in fact, very disruptive. Repeatedly I requested them to tone it down. Repeatedly they got louder and more abusive until I suddenly found myself nose to nose with the Paterson Tech captain, a lad a little lighter and shorter than I. Somewhere during our exchange of words, we found ourselves migrating outside the bowling alley where the glasses came off and we started to battle. Both of us got in a couple of good licks [of course, today, guns, knives or chains might have been on the scene … so kids, do not try this at home or in the streets] before coaches and alley personnel broke up the fisticuffs. After a couple of minutes to decompress, we shook hands and went back to the business at hand … bowling.

I realized a few things after the incident. I did not like black eyes. I scared myself with the power I had to split a kid’s lip with just one punch.  We never had any problem from the Paterson Tech crew after that … even when we bowled head to head.

Was the fight justified? Don’t know, not even to this day. It’s part of the quandary. Obviously, by standing up to the bullies (Paterson Tech) we (Don Bosco Tech) became less bullied. And since the incident was settled captain vs. captain, perhaps more escalation was averted.

Since the incident fifty years ago, I have tried to sheath my strength in weakness and gently take a stand. I’m no patsy, but I do know I have to control my anger because, I, too, could go Ralphie. I’ve tried to pass that message along to my children — especially my sons. It’s strength of character that makes a man or woman.

I hope the two boys in the video are okay. I hope today’s generation realizes violence is not an answer. I pray for a respect for life. I pray for the bullies. I pray for the bullied. I long for the day when we can beat our swords into plowshares.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: You have wings. Learn to use them and fly. You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings.

Posted in family, Memories, New Jersey, relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Five Minute Friday — Turn

Posted on November 7, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

The weekly Five Minute Friday is upon us. It’s where a couple hundred bloggers link up to share their thoughts on a common prompt.  It’s always interesting to see what pops out of our collective minds in just five minutes.

This week’s prompt is TURN. The timer is set, so let’s GO…

Every new year at the newspaper, I write an editorial titled “It’s Time to Turn the Page.” The editorial typically runs the first Thursday of the new year and includes a recap of accomplishments and — sometimes — failures of the old year. Then, with the words, “It’s time to turn the page …” we look forward to the new year. We make a list of things we would like to accomplish in the new year. But it all boils down to reassessing where we’ve been and where we’re going.

Realistically, we don’t have to wait until the end of/beginning of the year to make that reassessment. We can — and should — be reassessing our lives … STOP

… more frequently. In fact, we should be reassessing our lives daily.

It’s the same principle. We look at our accomplishments and failures of the previous day and, with God’s help, start the new day with a clean slate.

We’re not going to be perfect. We’re going to fail. But we do have the chance to turn the page.

That’s it. Stop in at Kate’s place (http://katemotaung.com/2014/11/06/five-minute-friday-turn/) and see what’s on our minds.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: A good life is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often, dream big, laugh a lot and realize how blessed you are.

Posted in encouragement, Five Minute Friday, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Coming In and Catching Up

Posted on November 1, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

Bad me. I haven’t been in the mood for writing. It isn’t writer’s block, but I’ve been fighting a cold for a couple of weeks and it has taken me to the mat.  I’ve been pushing myself to get some actual work done. After that, I’m ready to sleep … and sleep … and sleep — or at least snooze … and doze … and nap.

Because of that I’ve been missing in action from the blogging scene. Didn’t do Five Minute Friday for two weeks. Haven’t written anything except Five Minute Friday in almost a month. It’s not because I haven’t had ideas. Just see the first paragraph.

My lethargy has to stop. So, I’ll use this time and space to sort of catch up by combining a few thoughts.

IMAG0879First and foremost, today was moving day for my wife. She is now nicely nestled on the mantel and out of the gazebo. I think she would have preferred to stay outside through the winter — and I wouldn’t be opposed to that — except I visit with her every morning. Part of that visit includes spending time with the Lord as well. I delve deeper into the Word. I just finished Ezekiel and am now working my way through an introduction  to apocalyptic literature, Daniel and the 12 prophets.

The problem isn’t sitting outside — even in the snow and cold. The problem is seeing in the early hours of the day, especially as we return to daylight standard time. I just don’t like to get too far into the day without getting into my study time.

That routine — spending quiet time first thing in the morning — predates Karen’s death. But after she died, spending quiet time was a natural prelude to spending time with Karen. After all, she had faithfully supplied me with each volume of The Interpreter’s Bible.

So, each morning, I go either outside or into the living room to read, then have my coffee and breakfast with Red. I still continue to share a cartoon. And I have laughed with her, cried with her and talked to her. She may not be with me in the flesh, but I sense her spirit — and her counsel — even after five years.

This is still her “home” so I’m comfortable with the decision I’ve made. If the kids or grandkids want to spend some time with her, she’s here. And when I’m gone, my ashes will rest next to her in the matching bronze urn side by side connected by interlocking circles and I’ll leave the decision of where we permanently settle up to the kids.

And that brings us to the last two Five Minute Friday prompts … DARE and LEAVE. I’m not going to take five minutes this week, just make two statements. I DARE you to look inside yourself and decide if you’re living every day to its fullest. I know I haven’t. And I DOUBLE DARE you to embrace each day.

And that’s what I am going to LEAVE you with.

PS — To see what my fellow Five Minute Friday writer contributed, visit Kate’s spot at http://katemotaung.com/2014/10/30/five-minute-friday-and-a-giveaway-day-31-leave/.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: You may be going through a difficult time, but be encouraged. God promised He will give you beauty for those ashes.

Posted in encouragement, family, Five Minute Friday, Mom, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Five Minute Friday — Long

Posted on October 17, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

Friday. Friday. Five Minute Friday.

It’s time to tackle the prompt … five minutes of unscripted writing, just letting the fingers fulfill the thoughts of the mind. Then I’ll link up with the hundreds of other participants at Kate’s place (http://katemotaung.com/2014/10/16/five-minute-friday-and-a-giveaway-day-17-long/) where we’ll share the fruits of our five minutes worth of labor.

So. I’m ready. The prompt for the week is LONG. Let’s start the timer…

It’s been a long day. No, it’s been a long week. No, it’s been a long month.

Here we are in mid October and it seems like it should be, well, later in the month. The time is just dragging. I don’t know why. I can’t figure it out. It’s just been a long month.

Of course, sometimes time actually flies. But not  this month.

Time is relative. There are only 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour and 24 hours in a day. Sometimes, you blink and the days fly by. Sometimes, you blink and the minutes churn at slowneck speed.

That’s where I’m at right now. I plug along minute by minute … hour by hour … day by day. But it’s all moving at a slow speed.

It’s been a long day. No, it’s been a long week. No, it’s been a long, long month. STOP

That’s what I came up with this week.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

Posted in Five Minute Friday | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

Five Minute Friday — Care

Posted on October 10, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

It’s Friday and I admit, I came up empty on this week’s Five Minute Friday prompt. I thought about it most of the day and … nada, nothing, zilch. I just couldn’t connect with the word without sounding … well, fake or pretentious.

But as I was watching a movie, a thought came to me. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. The movie had nothing to do with the topic.

So, we’re throwing caution to the wind and developing hopefully a coherent five minute post on the prompt word CARE.

The timer is set, so let’s go …

When the kids were young, one of the crazes was Care Bears. Everyone had to have a Care Bear … including my brood.

care_bearsBut Karen, being the crafty one in the family, went one better. She designed and hand crafted her own Care Bears for the kids … blue for the boys, pink for the girls and a brown one for all of us. Only instead of the emblems designating them as Care Bears … she sewed special appliques on their bellies to personalize them. Each one of them had praying hands. When she gave them to the kids, she didn’t call the bears Care Bears … she called them Prayer Bears.

I honestly don’t know what happened to the stuffed bears. Through our many moves — and many puppies — I’m sure they were beaten, weathered and worn. But I hope the kids remember them.

They were crafted with love. …STOP

Prayer Bears … just another way Mom showed she cared.

Well, that’s what I came up with. I can’t wait to link up with the rest of the crew at Kate’s place (http://katemotaung.com/2014/10/09/five-minute-friday-and-a-giveaway-day-10-care/) to see what pearls they came up with. I’m sure they weren’t as perplexed as I was with this confounding word.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: God has supplied all my needs … perhaps not all my wants, but all my needs.

Posted in children, encouragement, family, Five Minute Friday, Memories, Mom, prayer, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

They’re Always Watching

Posted on October 4, 2014 by wisdomfromafather

This was just a routine morning. I went out to the gazebo, stirring the birds who were taking temporary respite from the rain, and sat down to read, meditate {I’ve finished Ezekiel and am now getting into the apocalyptical writers, Daniel and the 12 prophets}, spend time with Karen and eat my breakfast {blueberry yogurt … yes, yogurt}. Pretty routine. Just another morning ritual.

Two of my grandchildren’s cousins spent the night. Apparently, they were in the breakfast nook having breakfast, prompting Christian {one of the cousins} to ask why I was sitting outside in the rain.

Nine year old Karly responded, “Grandpa goes out there every morning. He reads his bible and spends some quite time with crazy grandma {a term of endearment}. He stays out there for about 15 minutes.”

I had to smile when I heard the story. But it also reminded me, kids and grandkids may not always listen … but they are always watching!

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Don’t start your day with a negative attitude. It’s hard to understand why so many people wake up each morning feeling defeated when each day holds so much potential. The possibilities today offers are endless, so eagerly anticipate wonderful happenings. It’s easy to let blessings go by unnoticed if you’re not looking.

Posted in children, encouragement, family, grandchildren, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments