Just about every morning on my return trip back to the trucking terminal, I would stop at a coffee shop to enjoy my usual Medium Black Coffee with a Cinnamon Raison Bagel with Cream Cheese.
During my frequent trips, I built relationships with those that worked there. One of those individuals was a very misunderstood lady that also had very strong opinions. She didn’t seem to “get along” with the others very well, at least from the side of the counter I was on.
There wasn’t any… we’ll call it animosity or anything, but you could certainly tell that no one was sending out invites to hang out after work or exchange Christmas cards.
After quite a few visits (I do love me some coffee), this lady and I started chatting and eventually, I really started to appreciate why she felt the way she did about different issues.
There was quite deep pain and hurt from past relationships with siblings, husbands, children…. many of which the wounds never healed.
One day, she looked particularly down trodden and I asked her if everything was ok. She opened up about how very difficult the relationship with one of her siblings had become and she was so lost on what to do. You could clearly seen how deeply it was affecting her, though she tried her best to conceal the pain and frustration.
Then, she just disappeared. After several weeks, I assumed she either quit, was let go or on vacation or something. I thought often about our last conversation. I kinda hoped that I left her with some encouraging words at least. There was a lot of kindness behind the gruff; compassion and understanding behind the outward showing of wanting to be left alone. But the last thing I said to her and her reaction is what stuck in my mind the most….
Turns out, my new friend went on a trip overseas. She spent some time self reflecting, seeking out to heal damaged relationships and by the time she came back she had such a different perspective on life that she even looked like a whole new person!
I remember how excited we were to see each other again. As soon as I came strolling around the corner to grab my coffee and bagel she welcomed me with a HUGE hug and said, “I HVE BEEN HOPING TO SEE YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”
I was like, “…it was just an order for a coffee and bagel, but you’re welcome.”
Then she explained. “What you said to me kept me awake for days.
“…in order to have much gain, you must first suffer much loss.”
I was really struck by it and decided I had had enough and that it was time to let go!”
“The one thing that really struck me hardest, though,” she added, “was just how much loss there would need to be in order to move forward. I had to let go of a lot.”
Turned out, she discovered she was asking all the wrong questions. Why me? Why this? Why now? What do I have to do? Why can’t I get ahead? Why are “bad things” always happening to me? Even, What do I HAVE to lose?
Any of those sound familiar? Can you relate? I can…
…and when I find myself asking them, it’s usually when I’m playing tug a war between what I have and what I want.
That’s when I realize I need to humble myself and as the real question, what am I WILLING to lose?
It works both ways, too. It’s not only the negative things we hold on to that hold us back from receiving more in our life.
Like playing fetch with my beagle.
She LOVES playing fetch! The problem was, she played “I got it and I’m not giving it back”!
Wanting to teach her how to actually fetch the ball and bring it back, I learned a trick from a dog trainer to bring 2 balls. Throw one and show the other up to have the dog bring the first one back, then let it go before throwing the second. In order for her to get the other ball thrown, she has to be willing to let go of the one she has at my feet.
Success didn’t happen right away. But after practice and repetition, my beagle (and I) learned that in order to continue, I have to be willing to lose what I have to gain what I want.
What was really cool, is when the dog realized she never really lost the first ball at all. She now had 2 to play with!
Have an awesome day! Take time for play time… 🤓
talk to you next time,