Finding Balance

I think I will follow in my brother’s footsteps and tell you a little more about me! With that being said….let me formally introduce myself.

I am Nicolle or Cole. I am the 4th born of 5 and the ONLY one NOT born in a St. Joseph hospital. So from birth I was destined to be different from my siblings 😉

I am a 41 yr old mom of 4 awesome kids. Anthony (24), Gabriella (14), Kaydance (13), and Colin (7). I have lived in the Fingerlakes region of NY since 1995, when my dad decided this is where he wanted to finish raising the last 2 misfits, and start his lifelong dream of having his own newspaper. Although I have wanted to leave NY since the moment I stepped foot in the awful state, I was always compelled to stay. I could not move far from my parents. When I finally moved out at the ripe old age of 20, I lived 20 mins away, and that was too far!

I like to have fun and laugh just like everyone else. What can I say, I am a fun loving girl! As a matter of fact, My nieces and nephews call me Aunt Cool. 😉

I have worked for a liquid fertilizer company as the office manager for the past 14 years. I absolutely love my job and the people I work with. My coworkers have become like family over the years, which makes not having family around a little easier.

I am, as my sister Deanna pointed out, the compassionate one. I truly feel what you feel in the depths of my soul. That also means, I feel what I feel even deeper. I try to see the good in everyone no matter what. I wear my heart on my sleeve leaving me vulnerable, but that is me. This is just how I am wired.  

I can be bitter,  and I tend to live in the past. I can forgive, and I do forgive very easily, but I never forget. That has been a fault my whole life.  Forgiving is easy for me,  but forgetting doesn’t happen, and when I’m hurting you can bet I will bring up all the emotions from 30 yrs ago if I want to!

I had a plan for my life,  but I have failed miserably, and am nowhere near where I thought I should be or wanted to be at this point in my life.  Every set back though, is a stepping stone to get back to where I need and want to be.

I am a hot mess! Every time I think I’ve got my ducks in a row they all seem to scatter to different ponds! However, I am determined to get those damn ducks in the same pond!

For me, finding the perfect balance in life has always been hard.  I lead with my heart (the good) and end with my emotions (the bad). I am confident though, that some day I will find that perfect balance of good and bad.  Until then I will ride the unpredictable rollercoaster of my crazy life while trying to catch my ducks!

Forrest Gump said: “Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you are going to get.”

Life really is like a Box of Chocolates. It is a gift that will keep you guessing. Try to remember the BEST is in there, and the worst is mixed in. Finding the balance is what matters.

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4 Responses to Finding Balance

  1. TamrahJo says:

    Hi Cole! Thanks for sharing you/your story! I, too, have always worn my heart on my sleeve, and liken myself to a ‘sponge’ as in, I tend to soak up whatever those around me are struggling with – the ability to ‘not forget’ is, to me, sorta a required component to be a mentor, a cool aunt, a fun godmother or a parent who’s children WANT to visit them once they have left the nest. 😀 There is not a child I know who enjoys spending time around an adult who can’t remember (or chooses not to remember!) the foibles, heartbreaks and passions of their own youth! Thus, while the more staid members of society may claim you to be a ‘hot mess’ – I do believe, from .. *ahem* this hot mess to another! 😀 We are filling niches/needs within community, children and other’s lives – and overall, in the end…they get the ‘benefits’ of our ‘way of being’ and we suffer from never forgetting, but it is, in the end, what makes us very good at the ‘needs we fill’ – 😀 Thanks for the introduction! I’m really enjoying getting to read about you all – as so much of your father’s posts and our conversations centered around faith, prayer, writing and my never ending admiration that he took ALL the grandkids on memorable trips! Though I love kids, I suck at fly-by-seat-of-pants planning in the moment and well? I wouldn’t DARE to go on a road trip, even with pre-planning, with that number (13? 18? I confess to ‘not remembering’ – – numbers ain’t my strong point!) grandkids – -cuz easy for me to see, me, this hot mess, having a breakdown in the middle of some awesome trip because a teen ager is missing (now where did they get off to?) and a young one is missing (OMG! call security! close down all the exits!!!) and having to take 3 days to recover the stress of it all once the teenager & child showed back up to the group saying, “What’s going on? We were in the bathroom – – what’s happening??? What’s wrong??) and the rest of the kids saying, “nothing (eye-roll) Auntie Tamrah had an anxiety attack — she is soooo overprotective…..) LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • cole3251 says:

      I am happy to know I am not the only hot mess in this world! The struggle is real that is for sure! My heart has been trampled on a time or 50, but it is still on my sleeve for the world to see. I am a firm believer that I am who I am for a reason. I may not know that reason today, but someday I will and I will look back and say “now I get it!” That day might be tomorrow, it might be 20 years from now, but it will happen!!!

      I went on 2 of the trips with dad and the kids……yea I felt exactly how you described! Constant head counts, constant anxiety, but I did my best to not show the stress of it! My sister went on most of the trips (BRAVE!) Props to her for being so awesome!

      Liked by 1 person

      • TamrahJo says:

        We each have our gifts and talents – the things we ‘don’t think another thing about/or are surprised when others wish ‘they could do that like’ we do – – and then there are the things we look about and think, “Oh MY! I don’t want to be in charge of that! not even for a gazillion astrobucks” — Thus, one person’s ‘hot mess’ is another’s “cup of comforting tea – so glad you are here!” – and well – the journey, I guess, for me, is trying new things, stretching my skills, but not trying to surround myself with folks who don’t see anything in me but the hot mess – – Through losses/grief, I learned to start weeding out those folks early and often – no offense, but well – I’m not gonna be ‘your cup of tea’ – LOL And I’ll just be mad if you down me all the time, then want me to show up when You’re in a Hot mess!” LOL

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      • cole3251 says:

        YES! I am trying to only associate with positive people. I can count my friends on 1 hand. They are the people that have seen me in all walks of life. My good, my bad, my bottom of the barrel ugly, and they stayed. They cheered me on, picked me up, wiped my tears, and loved me unconditionally. All the others I seem to be the only one there, and I have started the process of weeding them out of my life permanently! One sided relationships have been my story, and it is time I change that!
        I could right a lifetime movie about my life 🤣🤣

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