I Promise

Hi – Nicolle here. I am the 4th born of the five misfits. I will not claim favoritism because well, let’s face it – the older kids think they have that title. I was always taught to take the higher road so I will allow them to have it!

When my brother first asked if we were interested in keeping dad’s blog going, I was excited, but I did not expect to contribute much. I honestly no longer possess the same writing talent I once did. There was a time many, many moons ago, when I wanted to walk in my dad’s footsteps. I even wanted to take over the newspaper when he decided to retire. But somewhere along the way, I lost all talent I once had. I don’t know if I lost my passion, if I lost my way, or if I simply forgot how to write. I am sure it is a combination of all three – but today, it bothers me.

I tell you this because, as you all know, dad and my siblings all have this writing gift. In fact, I was quite surprised my brothers had the gift because I didn’t even know they knew how to read!! {Ha! Kidding…love you guys!}

So…where did my gift go? How will I help keep dad’s legacy alive? It really saddened me.

I have questioned many things in my life. Okay, most things in my life… A common theme has been, “Why me?” It won’t surprise you when I say that dad was always my voice of reason. He was the first one to tell me things like, “God doesn’t throw more at you than you can handle. Take a deep breath, relax, and look for the blessing.” I am not really seeing the blessing in my loss of writing ability – especially as I link arms with my siblings to continue what dad started, but I am sure it is there…somewhere.

I have been riding an emotional rollercoaster, but yesterday took the cake. I was snarky. I cried. I laughed. I cried some more…and then I got angry. I wanted to yell, scream, throw things, and act like I was two again because I just wanted answers. No. I needed answers.

Why did God have to take my parents before I was ready? Why did I lose my ability to write? Why do my kids have to drive me crazy? Why do my family and two best friends have to live so far away? Why am I alone?

Through all my emotion, I heard dad as if he was sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear…

“Honey, you were ready. If you weren’t, we would have stayed. You will see that one day. I promise.

“Nicolle, you have not lost the ability to write. You have misplaced it. Look for it and you will find it again. I promise.

“Do you think you kids were saints? HA! You drove your mother and I bonkers! You have been blessed with the Mother’s Curse and your kids will turn out fine, just like you and your siblings. I promise.

“Life isn’t a television show where family lives right next door. This is real life and while yes, they all live a distance away, they are always there and that is what matters. I promise.

“Sweetheart, you are never alone. You have your family. You have your friends, who are like family. You have your mother and I. You have the Lord at your side as well. You are never alone. I promise.

I am not satisfied with any of dad’s answers {I might be a little stubborn}, but I know he is right. He was always right. I have probably never admitted that before…

I believe dad was an angel, placed here intentionally to help guide the misguided, love the unloved, support the unsupported, and reach the unreachable. He was my dad because God knew no one else could handle me {I told you I might be stubborn}. He is, was, and always will be my blessing.

What is your blessing? If you are unsure, confused, or afraid you’ve missed it, let me remind you to relax, take a deep breath, and seek it out. *wink*

~ Cole

This entry was posted in blessings. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to I Promise

  1. Cindy says:

    “Wisdom from a Father” seems a fitting name for this special place. I believe he’s shared a lot of it with not just you kids but with many. I continue to keep your family in my prayers. A Five Minute Friday writing friend, Cindy
    PS As an old teacher, I’d say your writing seems to have found you! Good job!

    Like

  2. Gayl says:

    I agree with Cindy! You haven’t lost your writing skills – they may have been misplaced but your write from your heart and that is a gift to all who read. Your dad had much wisdom and all of us who read his words were blessed. And, you know what? It’s okay not to be satisfied with answers right now. You are grieving and that hole your father left will never completely go away. But I can attest to how writing helps process the pain and grief. I wrote a lot when I lost my 29 yr. old son last year. And, in God’s time, some of the answers may come, but if not, He is still faithful to be with us through it all. So please keep writing and sharing. May God bless and comfort you and your family during this very difficult time.

    Like

  3. Nicole, I didn’t know your dad except through Five MInutes Friday. He friended me on Facebook! (Surprise number one, for this introvert) and then I saw once, what suspiciously looked like my Five Minute post on HIS feed! (Surprise number two!) When I questioned him, he said he liked what I had written and he was in the business of encouraging others. And oh did he! I write this to say, that I TOO am ‘the baby’ and I TOO had/have lost my ‘ability’ to write so many different times over the years – but the first time (since teenage years) being the worst. For me, I realized a couple of things: 1. I “lost” the ability because I stopped writing for myself,, and 2. Being the baby, I think I grew up with the tendency/curse of always comparing myself to others. It is a battle I still fight, and yet, have learned WAYS to fight. Anyway…. here’s to say, that I am glad your voice is here. I will be looking for it. In this special blog. (By the way, I agree with ALL your Father’s words to you. Having lost a mother much like your father, I can tell you: the hole they leave never goes away, but the raw OUCH lessens over (lots of) time, and you will learn to build life around it… I promise.

    Like

    • This made me cry. Thank you for blessing us all with your kind words!

      Like

      • Nicolle says:

        Oh wow this hit me in the feelers for sure! After losing mom I thought I would be ok when it was dads turn, but I was about as wrong as wrong could be!
        Dad was full of surprises that is for sure! He was always encouraging everyone (not just us kids) to be the best they could be, and he made sure that each and every single one knew their importance in life.
        ❤ Cole

        Like

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s