Life, Love and Even Death

For only the fourth time in my life, I am witnessing an actual death watch. It sucks and it’s four times too many.

But the experience(s) are an opportunity to reflect on life, love and even death.

First a caveat. Please, please, please dear family and friends, don’t read between the lines. This is a reflection. This is not despondence. This is about lessons learned. This is not about giving up. This is reality. This is not depression.

Over the past few years, Sonni and I had become very close friends, She was the salve that helped heal a broken heart — not repair it, not fill it, not replace it. She learned from experience and took me under her wing.

10462798_705210946212149_4533542319486351694_nI like to think we were helping each other get through the days of widow- and widower-hood. We talked just about every day — if not directly, then certainly through messaging and e-mail. I knew when something was troubling her. She knew when I got into my “moods.”

In so many ways, Sonni and Karen were cut from the same cloth. They were both strong-willed, independent, organized — yet so very fragile and too stubborn to ask for help. Often those traits got in the way of them enjoying life. They both could come up with a thousand excuses why not to go out, to go on that trip, to just stop for a minute to smell the roses.

I know neither Karen nor Sonni wanted to linger on this earth. When the time was near, they wanted to go out on their terms. No tubes … No extraordinary measures … No extensions if they couldn’t be in charge of their own lives.

I know this because I had that conversation with both of them. It’s a sentiment I share. It’s a sentiment probably most of us share.

So, family and friends, when it becomes my time, let me go. No tubes … No extraordinary measures … No extensions if I can’t be in charge of my own life. I hereby declare my DNR {do not resuscitate} unless there is clear evidence of improvement and/or recovery. Don’t let me hang around because you want me around “just a little longer.” When it’s time to cross the River Jordan, give me a paddle and let me go.

I would tell you not to grieve, but that’s unrealistic. Tears are okay, but just don’t let them overtake your life. I do not want to be mourned. I want my life to be celebrated. In my waning hours, I want to hear laughter … and jokes … and sibling banter. I want to hear “Remember when …”

And I want you to live your lives … every day. Do things that make you happy. Plan for vacations or even impromptu day trips. But, remember, if you go to the Jersey shore for a sausage and pepper sandwich, have one for me.

Life is more than work. It’s relationships. It’s balance. God. Family. Country. The building blocks. Faith. Hope. Love. And the greatest of these is Love. Love each other. Love your neighbors. But, most of all, love yourself. Always remember, you are God’s unique creation.

I’ve lived a good and full life with many adventures. Sometimes it was challenging, but I quickly learned each day starts with a clean slate. What I write on it is entirely up to me. I have very few regrets — in fact I honestly can’t think of one right now, but I’m sure there were some. And I still have a lot to do. I would like to take a cross country car trip, visit both Cooperstown and Akron {Halls of Fame}, take in a baseball game at the new Yankee Stadium, see Phantom of the Opera and Jersey Boys on Broadway, visit Alaska and Hawaii.

The women in my life supported me unconditionally … even when I made questionable choices and reached for seemingly unreachable dreams. To watch that support fade is hard. But I remember the good times we had. I remember the conversations. And I know they have (will) meet the ultimate goal — home with Jesus. C. Scott, I’m sure, will escort his bride to the Throne. And Karen will be there when my time comes to show me how she changed the decor in heaven.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Be free with your compliments. Take time to tell people how much you love them, how much they mean to you. It takes so little effort, yet it makes such a huge difference.

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About wisdomfromafather

I'm just an ordinary guy walking along the journey of life.
This entry was posted in blessings, celebration, encouragement, Faith, family, Friends, grace, grief, Life, love, relationships, women and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Life, Love and Even Death

  1. oneta hayes says:

    What wise musings you have written here.

  2. Debbie L says:

    You are saying what I want to say….

  3. Lou says:

    you should be a motivational speaker

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