Five Minute Friday — Story

Posted on August 2, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

Here’s this week’s installment of Five Minute Friday. You might remember the task is to write for five minutes on a specific prompt word. The initiative was started by Lisa-Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com/) who thought about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And she figured, why not take five minutes and see what comes out — not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing. I’m proud to be one of the hundreds of bloggers who take part each week and look forward to reading what others write. It’s always a treat reading different interpretations on a common word.

This week’s prompt is STORY.

Here goes. The timer is set for five minutes {clock starts now}

This should have been a walk in the park. Easy peasy. After all, I’m a writer by trade and stories are my business.

But it wasn’t. As I thought about it, I realized it isn’t that easy. Sure, we all have a story … either an individual story or the tapestry of our lives. But getting it out is an entirely different matter. It’s more than just stringing words together.

We like to think when we tell our story, we tell it warts and all. That’s always a successful approach. But when you’re writing someone else’s story, well, the warts sometimes get in the way.

Bloggers by nature tell their stories. That’s why we blog. But there are thousands, millions who do not share the stories. Many of them are related to us.

I wish my mom and dad had shared more of their story. There are gaps that should be known. There is history that is lost.

We have an opportunity to draw out those stories from those we love. And I do mean draw out. STOP

Well, that’s it. But I will add our individual and collective stories are multi-layered. I, for example, am comfortable re-living the moments of my life with Karen and the kids and sharing those moments with followers. I am comfortable sharing my faith, hopefully igniting a spark in someone else’s life. Other bloggers share their life and faith experiences, most quite well.

De-BookCoverI would be remiss, however, to not plug my daughter’s book, What’s Your Story?  Everyone has a story…but sadly, we don’t always know what to share or how to share. This short, eight-day devotional-style book will help. (available at http://www.journeywithd.com/)

Whether you have been a follower of Jesus Christ since you were three or if you are just beginning your journey, this book will unleash opportunities as you realize your story within the greater story.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: The test of good manners is to be able to put up pleasantly with bad ones.

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Famiglia

Posted on August 1, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but I belong to a 2,696 member strong Facebook group, You know you lived in Paterson, NJ in the 50’s & 60’s. It brings back lots of memories.

936479_1403556853190927_1461719401_nOne was particularly relevant. Miguel Lopez, who frequently posts pictures of Paterson then and now, posted the photo shown here. I recognized it in an instant. It used to be Chappy’s at East Railway and Gould Avenues. I know it well because Chappy was my father’s uncle.

Well, a fellow Patersonian, Robert Mchone, commented, “My wife and her sister worked there back in 60’s. Bought our wedding rings from a guy who hung out there, great discount!”

Well, I know who “that guy” was, too. It was Chappy’s brother, Tony.

Uncle Tony was a bachelor who lived with my grandmother. I’m not sure what he did for a real job, although I’m pretty sure it had something to do with pin ball machines, a staple in the bars of Paterson at the time. He didn’t drive but he seemed to know all the businessmen in People’s Park and South Paterson. It wasn’t unusual for him to flash a wad of bills — not $1s and $5s — and if you needed anything like flowers, jewelry or even a good bottle of Scotch, just ask Uncle Tony. He would set you up {Insert your imagination here}.

Back to the story. Karen and I stopped at Grandma’s — something we did often — to tell her we were getting married. As we were drinking coffee, Uncle Tony came out to the kitchen and joined the conversation. A little while later, he went to his room and came back with a blue velvet bag. He opened it to reveal diamonds.

Karen’s jaw literally dropped and I have to be honest, I never saw so many loose diamonds in one place at the same time. It was straight out of a movie. “Pick one out,” he said. “Which one do you like?”

Both of us were stunned at the glittering diamonds of various shapes and sizes. In the pile was everything from little chips to one that if it was on Karen’s finger, she wouldn’t have been able to lift her hand. “Go ahead! Pick out what you want!”

Karen looked at me. “Pick one out,” I told her with a shrug. After all, you don’t argue with family.

Well, she poked around looking for the chips, but Uncle Tony would have none of it. He pulled out some of the one to two caret stones, put them up to the light and looked at them through his jeweler’s loupe. “No, this one has a flaw. No, this isn’t cut clean, too shallow.”

She spotted a pear shaped stone with lots of sparkle. Uncle Tony took it from her and shook his head. “That’s not very big.” But she said it was “dainty.” It ended up being just under a caret and I had that “how am I going to afford this” look on my face. Uncle Tony looked at me. “We’ll find a nice setting and work it into your budget.” Of course, he didn’t have a clue what my budget was.

ringHe disappeared again and came back with a catalogue for Karen to look at. She picked a white gold solitaire setting for her pear shaped stone. It was set off the band to give it the allusion of being bigger. Nothing else. No complementary stones. It actually went with a chip-studded wedding band that wrapped around the side of the engagement stone. Karen had the idea of dual wedding bands so they completely enveloped the diamond. Uncle Tony approved as I saw dollar signs multiplying faster than my $80 a week salary.

Uncle Tony took care of me. He kept the cost under budget. And when I paid him, he said it was too much and trimmed a little more. Ah, famiglia!

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: A person cannot truly love another until he learns to love himself.

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Faith and Action

Posted on July 31, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

I received a strange message the other night. It read, “Do you take requests for your writings? If so I’d like to hear about faith vs. personal responsibility.”

Whoa.

My first thought was, why me? I mean, that’s pretty deep territory and I’m just, well, me.

I responded with “Explain a little more.”

He responded, “It’s nice to hear God doesn’t give us more than we can handle … nice to have faith and everything will be fine. But at what point does personal responsibility for the choices we make come into play?”

Whoa. This was deeper than even what I thought.

Since I knew my messenger and some of the things he was going through, I suggested he call me. “Sounds like this is a little deeper than messaging,” I responded.

He did and we talked. Mostly I listened, trying to understand the root of the problem. In short, his faith was being questioned because he continued to do things to resolve problems. As he said, since he didn’t let go and let God, he was told he didn’t have faith.

Now, I’m no theologian but that’s the most ridiculous statement I’ve ever heard. So, I’m going to give you a synopsis of how I counseled him.

Faith and action go hand in hand, in my humble opinion. Faith is believing in what sometimes seemingly is unbelievable. But we build our faith through action … through listening to the little voice … by making positive, God-pleasing choices. Faith is a long term picture. Action is a short term decision, hopefully in completing the picture. Faith is a jig saw puzzle. Action is putting the pieces together.

When facing a mountain, you have a few choices. You can sit there and wait for God to remove the mountain. It can happen … but it probably won’t. You can pick up a shovel and start digging. Maybe that would work, depending on the composition of the mountain. I don’t think a shovel is a match for bedrock. You can go around the mountain (action). It’s a choice, compounded by whether you should take the path to the right or to the left. It will probably work, although who knows where the journey will lead you.

All three choices require faith — the big picture … the ultimate goal. But it seems to me the last option is the most realistic. Using our faith, we actively make choices … do something.

Is that “something” always the right choice?

Probably not, but if it is guided by our faith, we’ll make another choice to correct it and get back on our original path.

I believe in miracles, but I just don’t see too many mountains being moved, too many burning bushes, too many seas being parted. I see the miracles in the every day things … new life … new blossoms … new perceptions into God’s majesty and plan …

Even Jesus did things — made choices (actions). He instructed the servants on what to do when He turned water into wine {I sure could use some right about now}. He told the disciples to find the kid with the fish. He decided to heal the sick … but not everyone. He raised people from the dead — again not everyone — including Himself. He took advantage of the circumstances at the time and used them for God’s good.

That’s what we’re called to do. Make choices. Do something. Be observant. Keep the big picture in sight. Take advantage of the circumstances and use them for God’s good.

I left my friend with a story … one that has been told many, many times with different characters and circumstances, but always the same message.

There was a man who lived in a valley next to a stream. Upstream was a dam. It was raining hard and the local sheriff came by to evacuate him since it appeared the dam would break. “No, I’ll stay,” said the man. “I trust God will take care of me.”

The rain continued — harder and harder — and the stream was now overflowing its banks. The dam wasn’t going to hold much longer. The sheriff returned in an ATV and told the guy he had to evacuate. “No. No. I trust God will take care of me,” responded the old gent.

The flooding continued and the guy was forced to the second floor. The sheriff’s boat patrol battled the current and rain to rescue the man. “No, I know God will rescue me,” answered the man.

The dam broke and the torrents engulfed his house, forcing the man onto his roof. A helicopter swung by, dropped its harness and told the man to get in. “No. I still trust God will save me!” he yelled back.

Well, he slipped off the roof and died. Up in heaven he sees God and says, “Lord, I trusted You! Why did You let me die? Why didn’t You help?”

“Son,” God replied. “I sent you the sheriff, a rescue truck, a boat and a helicopter. You refused My help.”

Solutions are all around us. We just have to look … and act.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example.

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Men are from Mars …

Posted on July 28, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

I don’t know what triggered the thought, but my mind wandered back to the early 90s. There was a wildly popular book by Dr. John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Karen read it and insisted I read it, too. I put it on my reading to do list. I still have that list somewhere.

I remember her giving me a chapter by chapter synopsis as she read it, which really meant I didn’t have to read it myself. It was her “a ha” moment, substantiating every thing she ever thought about male and female relationships.

From what I heard and gleaned from Cliff notes — remember, I never actually read the book myself — Dr. Gray works from the premise men and women have reciprocally different natures. Of course, anyone who has been married for any length of time already knows that. Men and women do, indeed, think differently … well, maybe not think, but certainly process things differently. It may be a generality, but men tend to seek approval for their abilities while women tend to seek approval for their feelings. In contrast, men don’t put much stock in feelings while women don’t value ability highly. Men like to work on their own and exercise their abilities by solving problems quickly and single-handedly; women like to cooperate and exercise their feelings through interactive communication with one another. Men value solutions and view unsolicited assistance as undermining their effort to solve problems alone; women value assistance and view unsolicited solutions as undermining their effort to proceed interactively. Men desire their solutions will be appreciated; women desire their assistance will be appreciated. When faced with tough problems, men go to their caves and women want to talk.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

And of course, men and women speak differently. Generally, men are more literal and to the point, while women tend to skirt around the issues eating at them, using an often dramatic flair in dialogue that roams from Venus to Mars. Men like to sort their thoughts out before communicating them and have the tendency to become distant and non-communicative as they ponder their concerns. Women like to sort their thoughts out during the process of communicating them and have the tendency to pour forth a litany of general grievances as they relate their concerns. Men feel validated and gratified when they are left to sort things out by themselves and feel undermined by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance. Women feel validated and gratified by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance and feel undermined when they are left to sort things out by themselves.

And yet, with that being said, women never, ever want their problems solved by an interloping male. They just want someone to listen, not fix.

Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armor seeking a damsel in distress who will love him and shower him with trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. Deep inside every woman is a damsel in distress seeking a knight in shining armor who will love her and shower her with caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance.

Poor Dr. Gray was criticized for stereotyping … but through my 40 years of marriage I think he was on to something. A lot of what I was told he wrote seems to imitate our life experience pretty close.

I did pick up some nuggets along the way. The good doc said, “When a man can listen to a woman’s feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift. He makes it safe for her to express herself. The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement that he needs.”  I think James Dobson said something similar.

That’s pretty good advice which I picked up along the way.

“Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished,” I’m told Dr. Gray wrote. More good logic to be incorporated into our life and love.

But I didn’t always get it right. When I first heard the title, I translated Venus as love and Mars as weird. I think I got the last part right, but I may have missed the mark on the first.

As Karen was reading the book early on, I, of course, misread her. I remember it vividly. With my foot still drooling from my mouth, I said with a wink, “Hey, Venus …”

She immediately knew where the conversation was heading. With a smirk and a dismissive wave of her hand, she said, “Not tonight, sweetheart. You haven’t come back from Mars yet.”

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: A friend is a present you give yourself.

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I’m great

Posted on July 27, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

I’m great.

No, no. That’s “great” as in the adjective, not the noun. As a noun I am not great, but as an adjective, I graduated from father to grandfather and now great-grandfather!

Welcome to the world Payton Amaya Schultz!Download_2013-07-269521_29_34

Princess Payton made her debut at 9:03 p.m. Friday night at a petite 6.7 pounds and 19 inches of perfection. She and Mom Shay are doing well at Bowling Green (KY) Medical Center, after only about two hours of active labor. Grandma Nichole and Grandpa Joe are excited . And Great-Grandpa Joe can’t wait to meet her up close and personal. Four generations … Wow. Who would have thunk!

I’m not sure I’m ready for the “great” part. I always envisioned great-grandparents as, well, old. I suppose I am old but I don’t feel “great” old, just “grand” old.

But it marks another season in my life, my very blessed life. I’ve managed to grow up {okay, maybe in years, anyway} and watch my children and grandchildren grow up. Hopefully, I’ll get to witness at least some of my great-grandchildren’s lives … and still remember and appreciate it.

I think it’s amazing. I was an only child and Karen only had one sister. Yet, we brought five souls into the world, and they have added 17 more. Payton is the first of the next generation, but great-grandchild No. 2 is due in January. My only regret is Karen isn’t here to experience this with me.

I wonder — not worry about — what kind of world they will grow up in. From my perspective, things look a little scary, but the changes I had to adjust to have become routine for subsequent generations. Will technology be a friend? Will science rid the world of disease? Will respect and civility return?

I don’t know. All I can do is pray for them — as I do for their parents and their parents’ parents. It’s a simple prayer. Lord, keep them close.

To Payton I utter the same prayer I prayed so many times over the years. Lord, I thank you for this gift. Give my grandchildren the same strength and wisdom You blessed me and my children with to raise her as Your special child, with potential and possibilities way beyond their belief. They will not be perfect and neither were we. She will not be perfect and neither were we. But, let us all remember whose child she is … Yours. May Payton grow as a reflection of the One who made her all the days of her life.

In the meantime, I’m already planning my Kentucky trip. Keep you posed!

 THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: When in doubt, do the friendliest thing.

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Five Minute Friday — Broken

Posted on July 26, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

Here’s this week’s installment of Five Minute Friday. You might remember the task is to write for five minutes on a specific prompt word. The initiative was started by Lisa-Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com/) who thought about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And she figured, why not take five minutes and see what comes out — not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing. I’m proud to be one of them and look forward to reading what others write. It’s always a treat reading different interpretations on a common word.

Hundreds of bloggers take part each week, but there was a bump in the road this week. Lisa Jo’s website was sooo popular it crashed! Undaunted, she moved the exercise to her Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/lisajobaker.

This week’s prompt is BROKEN.

Here goes. The timer is set for five minutes {clock starts now}

We live in a broken world. Lisa Jo’s web site crashed … it broke. Yesterday, my brake line sprung a leak(s). It was broken. Toys and trinkets break. Our bodies age … broken. Even our spirits can be broken … but only if we let it happen.

Our Lord’s body was beaten and battered … broken. But He rose from His grave and opened our earthly brokenness to new life … one without ache or pain or breaks or punctures.

546870_10151809364081096_667572428_nLife will constantly toss us diversions even as we walk toward the Light. But we have a strategy to replace brokenness with perfection. It’s our hope. It’s our faith. It’s our promise. We just have to remember to listen to the Coach and follow the game plan. STOP

Well, that’s it.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: The best way to convince a man he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

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Live and Work

Posted on July 25, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

Here’s a message we “fathers” and “mothers” should remember. Tomorrow is never a certainty. Hope you enjoy … and are moved by it. Our greatest gift to our families is time and physical presence.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: People with souls don’t act like heels.

morningstoryanddilbert's avatarMorning Story and Dilbert

Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread as a living to support his wife and three children. He spent all his evenings after work attending classes, hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job. Except for Sundays, Father hardly ate a meal together with his family. He worked and studied very hard because he wanted to provide his family with the best money could buy.

Whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.

The day came when the examination results were announced. To his joy, Father passed, and with distinctions too! Soon after, he was offered a good job as a senior supervisor which paid handsomely.

Like a dream come true, Father could now afford to…

View original post 318 more words

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Seaside Heights

Posted on July 20, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

seasideI’ve been following the progress of rebuilding Seaside Heights after Hurricane Sandy. I’ve logged into the tourism site, http://exit82.com/, and I marveled at the renovation of the boardwalk, especially after seeing just a shell of what was during my trip to the Shore back in March. From my oceanside perch I could see the Sandy devastation up close and personal, replacing the non-existent boardwalk and remnants of boardwalk stores, shops and eateries with images from my memory bank.

So it was exciting to see the planks on the boardwalk being laid down and reading the reports of stores and attractions returning.  And periodically I check in to see what’s going on in the summer home away from home of my youth.

The Jersey shore has a special place in my heart … especially Seaside Heights. I don’t want see a new and improved Seaside Heights. I want to see the Heights rise from the rubble and return to its former self.

It wasn’t unusual for a group of us to head to Seaside on a Friday or Saturday night for some girl watching and a sausage and pepper sandwich … that’s right, an hour and forty-five minute drive down and an hour and forty-five minute drive back for a couple of hours on the boardwalk and a meal. My personal best was 78 minutes, although I won’t go into details. I almost blew my first engine on the Garden State Parkway on the way home one night (early morning) stopping at every travel center for a couple of quarts of oil to get back home.

It looks like that’s happening … slowly but surely. The key word there is slowly.

There is a webcam of the Seaside Heights boardwalk, http://www.earthcam.com/usa/newjersey/seasideheights/. It’s a great vantage point from 300 plus miles away.

I guess what struck me as I periodically watched the stream was how empty it was … especially for a 90 degree Friday day/night in mid July. Don’t get me wrong, there were people on the beach and a nice crowd on the boardwalk. But it wasn’t shoulder to shoulder as I remember it. I mean back in the 60s you could end up with a phone number just walking along the boardwalk and bumping into a fine filly. Don’t take my word for it … check out the Seaside Heights Sun and Fun Promo Tourism Film 1960 at .

One of these weekends, I’ll probably head back down to the Shore {that’s what we Garden State natives call it} just to soak up the ambiance. If I want to get back to my center, I have to go to the Jersey shore. I could walk for hours along the ocean shoreline — and have. I am completely mesmerized by the ebb and flow of the tides. It’s my quiet place. It’s where I re-connect with God. It’s where I come to peace with myself. If I’m really getting overwhelmed, I’ll head down to the Jersey shore, sometimes for just a couple of hours. As I breathe in the salty air, I can literally feel the anxiety ebb. As I watch the birds play in the surf, all my cares are lifted. When I walk down the pier into Barnegat Bay, I’m in a different place … and it carries over for days and weeks.

In the meantime, I know I can watch the boardwalk, beach and surf at http://www.earthcam.com/usa/newjersey/seasideheights/ … any time, day or night.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: No one knows the weight of another’s burdens.

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Five Minute Friday — Belong

Posted on July 19, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

Here’s this week’s installment of Five Minute Friday. You might remember the task is to write for five minutes on a specific prompt word. The initiative was started by Lisa-Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com/2013/07/five-minute-friday-belong/) who thought about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And she figured, why not take five minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

Hundreds of bloggers take part each week. I’m proud to be one of them and look forward to reading what others write. It’s always a treat reading different interpretations on a common word.

This week’s prompt is BELONG

Here goes. The timer is set for five minutes {clock starts now}

Almost from the moment we are born, we search for acceptance … to belong … to fit it. We seek it in our families, among our friends, in our interests, during out working and adult lives. We want to have the feeling we are part of something bigger than ourselves, connected to those around us. Sometimes, this yearning for acceptance leads us to some questionable actions. We either try to hard to fit it or we choose to follow the crowd.

It’s ironic, though, we already belong. By being ourselves and living to our own potential, we become the person we were created to be. Maybe we’re not the smart kid or the pretty one or the popular one but we are ourselves and we are unique.

We who choose to believe know we belong to something larger than ourselves. We believe we were created precisely to be unique with specific gifts and talents. We are charged to use these to further the Kingdom… STOP

… We belong to God, through His Son with the prompting of the Holy Spirit. It’s a pretty cool inclusion. Believe you belong!

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: You can’t hold a man down unless you stay down with him.

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Rose of Sharon

Posted on July 18, 2013 by wisdomfromafather

I was sitting in the gazebo a couple of weeks ago staring at my rose of Sharon tree. Here it was approaching mid-July and still no blooms. There were plenty of buds but no blooms.

I was sitting in the gazebo the other morning and my rose of Sharon tree was ablaze with soft lavender flowers with a deep purple center and vivid yellow stigma … all in the matter of days.

Birds were resting in the branches, bees were buzzing and the colors attracted the most beautiful butterflies I’ve seen in quite a while. Squirrels were scurrying around near the base. Even Max and Tiggerr were just sitting on the porch just watching. Normally they would have had the birds in their sights or, at the very least, try to “play” with the squirrels.

It was an idyllic scene. I thought to myself, the only thing missing was a hummingbird. The rose of Sharon always attracts them.

rose of sharonAs often happens while I’m sitting in the gazebo having my morning coffee with Karen, I sensed the proverbial whack in the back of the head with an imperative to look again. Sure enough, there on the north side of the tree was a hummingbird flitting from petal to petal collecting nectar for the day.

So, there. I got it all. A nudge from Karen dearest and a full visual cornucopia of nature in balance and harmony.

Our rose of Sharon tree is a testament to nature. It’s “roots” came from the backyard of my boyhood home in Totowa, NJ. Karen conned me into digging up a root, then meticulously cultivated it for a couple of weeks until we could plant it in the backyard of our newly-purchased home in upstate New York back in late August 1998.

It was, truly, a twig at the time and it took about three growing seasons to get any blooms. While I was inclined to call it a green thumb failure, she persisted and insisted it would grow. Once again, she was right and I was … well, wrong.

The bush was against a fence in New Jersey and I don’t remember it getting larger than maybe six feet. But here in upstate New York, it morphed into a tree, probably standing about 10-12 feet high.
And it has the most beautiful blooms.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Not saying, but never needing to say is what really counts.

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