I think we can all agree that 2020 has been nothing short of awful. The effects of a lock down, quarantine, travel restrictions, constant mask wearing, and more will be felt for months to come, not to mention the mourning of the loss of so many lives. Because of COVID-19, the hospital scene looked a lot different for families wanting to hold the hands of their loved ones.

My brother, Scott, lived the closest to dad. He could get to the hospital the quickest when we found out dad was there. He was also the emergency contact for the hospital, so even though we all wanted to be there, it made the most sense for him to be there. He did a great job keeping us informed and the hospital staff was very accommodating and understanding as he kept us in the loop with video chats. But let me tell you, closure is difficult as you watch someone take their last breath over video chat.

I am comforted by music. I love to feel the lyrics when I am sad {weird, I know}. There is one song that has really been an encouragement to me over the last few weeks – Home, by We Are Messengers. The lead singer is from Ireland and his wife is from Scotland. They are currently living in Tennessee and he wrote the song because he was feeling a little homesick. In his sadness, he discovered there is no need to wander the land; to wonder where his home is. He is a citizen of heaven.

I don’t feel homesick, but I feel sick knowing I can no longer go “home” because both of my parents are gone. The lyrics of this song, which has been on repeat wrapping me in words of comfort, are simple and yet so very complex and strong. Plus, they have an Irish accent, and man am I a sucker for a good accent.

I’d been running, Lord knows how long
And I couldn’t escape all the things that I’d done
You met my troubles with a beautiful love
And you showed me mercy when I deserved none
And you carried me when I couldn’t go on

My dad was really good at bringing me back to reality. When I messed up, he always showed grace. And when I didn’t want to think about facing another day, he was the one who took my hand and walked me through it. What a beautiful picture of love and grace and mercy he showed me this side of heaven.

And living ain’t easy but make no mistake
The sun’s going down
But I’m wide awake
And I’ve got this feeling deep down in my bones
We’ll be together at the end of the road
Yeah we’ll be together at the end of the road

Dad knew life was tough, but he showed us that we are tougher. I am certainly not ready to make my exit from this world, but I am excited to know we will be together again.

I can’t believe you loved me as I was
I was a stranger before there was us
Then you took me in and you tore down my walls
If it wasn’t for you, I’d have nothing at all

I still wonder how my dad loved me after some of the stunts I pulled when I was younger. He was one of the few people brave enough to scale some high walls and show me what was on the other side.

The chorus of this song is very simple:

You are my home, you are my home
When I feel abandoned lost on my own
You are my home

Truth is, I have not been “home” in years. After mom died, going home just wasn’t the same. And because dad was so far away, he tended to do the traveling and came to our homes. Funny how that worked out. But it serves as a reminder that even when we are unsure of where home might be, we can be assured of our future home. When we are discouraged, having trouble getting through the days, we can remember who we belong to. I long for the feeling of “home” but I can rest in the comfort of knowing where “home” truly is.

As we say goodbye to a rotten year, let’s remember all is not lost. This is not our future. This is a temporary space. Step into the year 2021 with excitement. It doesn’t matter what happens over the next 365 days. God is still in control and he has prepared a place for us when it is time to go home.

What songs bring you comfort?