When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a woman, I put the ways of childhood behind me. – 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)

When I was four, I told my aunt I couldn’t wait until I was 29 so I would be older than her and could then tell her what to do. She laughed and said, “Sweetie, that will never happen.” She had given me a correction I didn’t like. Instead of finding the truth in her correction, I decided to try time travel or science fictional age progression.

When I reflect on that moment, I think I responded so strongly (and so illogically) because my feelings were hurt. I love and respect my aunt so much, and four-year-old me couldn’t compute how she could both disapprove of my behavior and still love me.

Sometimes, adult me isn’t so different. I’m quick to react before I engage the truth in critique. I get defensive more than I’d like to admit.

I don’t think this defensiveness comes from a desire to feel perfect. Instead, I think it is difficult for me to believe those who love me could find fault in me and still love me anyway. I look at my flaws and can’t imagine someone would love me in spite of them — let alone, someone wants to love me through the messiness of working through them.

Thankfully, my aunt keeps loving me as I make mistakes and grow from them. She taught me a lesson at four that I keep relearning. People who love me won’t shield me from the ways I need to evolve.

Prayer: Thank you for surrounding me with accountable love. Melt my defensiveness away so I may learn to be a better me. Amen.