Not everyone is going to understand this post … but those of us who have gone through the loss of a long-term partner, it is all too real.

You never know when the ache returns. Sometimes it is shortly after the loss. Other times it is around a special event or anniversary. You sort of expect those. But when you get hit right between the eyes out of the blue … well, that can be disconcerting. Even after eight and a half years.

Today has been one of those days. It was a little gray, drizzly and dismal. Although I slept well, I woke up about two hours earlier than normal and couldn’t get back to sleep. I didn’t have a lot on my agenda for the day.

As I often do, I keep myself company by listening to music — contemporary Christian, easy listening, 60s and country mostly. I try to rotate the playlists from Pandora, I Heart Radio and You Tube. Today was an easy listening type of day, using the I Heart Radio platform tuned into WCHI Easy 1350 out of Chillicothe, OH.

As a disclosure, I do have to be careful about what I listen to. Some formats naturally tug at the heart strings, even on good days. On those vulnerable days, they can rip open the scars.

Today was one of those days. There wasn’t the subtle reminder of memories gone by. It was a constant avalanche spanning five decades of melodic memories. Just about every song resonated, bringing special thoughts of what was and is no more. In fact there was a span of about an hour where I felt they borrowed a mix tape {literally a tape} I made for Karen to be played during our romantic Saturday night dinners. {We alternated cooking a special meal at least once a month. I always got the better of that deal.}

There was Phil Collins (Against All Odds), Peter Cetera with Amy Grant (The Next Time I Fall), Art Garfunkel (I Only Have Eyes For You), James Taylor (Up  On The Roof), England Dan & John Ford Coley (I’d Really Love To See You Tonight),  Gloria Estefan (Can’t Stay Away From You), The Association (Cherish), Kenny Rogers (Lady), Noel Paul Stookey (The Wedding Song), Anne Murray (A Love Song), Barry Manilow (This One’s For You), Rod Stewart (Have I Told You Lately), Chicago (You’re the Inspiration), Bette Midler (Wind Beneath My Wings), Rita Coolidge (Higher and Higher), Orleans (Dance With Me), Air Supply (Two Less Lonely People In The World), The Carpenters (We’ve Only Just Begun), Dan Hill (Sometimes When We Touch), Celine Dion (When I Fall In Love), Frankie Valli (Can’t Take My Eyes Off You), Debby Boone (You Light Up My Life), Chris DeBurgh (The Lady In Red), Neil Diamond (Hello Again and September Morn), Diana Ross & The Supremes (Someday We’ll Be Together), Captain & Tennille (Love Will Keep Us Together), Louis Armstrong (What A Wonderful World), Linda Ronstadt with Aaron Neville (Don’t Know Much) … and the list goes on, Paul Young, The Spinners, Carly Simon, The Eagles, Al Green, David Foster, John Lennon, Atlantic Starr, Spandau Ballet, Sheena Easton, Seals & Crofts, Genesis, Samantha Sang, Alabama, Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway, Michael Bolton, Simply Red, Sting, The Pointer Sisters, Joe Cocker, Eric Carmen, Bread, Juice Newton, Little River Band, Toto, Lionel Ritchey, The Beach Boys, Mary MacGregor, Eddie Rabbitt, Elton John, Dionne Warwick, Dan Fogelberg, Clima-X, Laura Branigan, Bill Joel, Sade, Bee Gees, Kenny Loggins, Gordon Lightfoot, Natalie Cole, Daryl Hall & John Oates, Poco, Billy Ocean, Al Jarreau, Barbra Streisand, Roberta Flack, Matthew Wilder, Dobie Gray, Don Williams, Gary Wright, Anita Baker, The Beatles, America, Michael Jackson and Siedah Garrett, Jim Croce, Charlene, Firefall, The Jets, Gino Vannilli, Player, Whitney Houston, Climax Blues Band, Fleetwood Mac, Joni Mitchell, Ambrosia, Heatwave, Janis Ian, Grover Washington Jr., Glenn Medeiros, Kenny Nolan, Bobby Hebb, Stephen Bishop, Robert John, Glenn Frey, Peaches & Herb, Quincy Jones, Bertie Higgins, Harry Chapin, Klymaxx, Al Stewart, Carole King, Love Unlimited Orchestra, Marvin Gaye … even Herb Alpert and Sergio Mendez.

It was a million dollar memory day. None of them brought tears to my eyes, just quiet reflection as I rocked and rested in my recliner with the volume up and the soft roar of the water as it rolled over the dam a complementary background… except for Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me — Gladys Knight & The Pips version — my anthem for our 40-plus years together.

I wouldn’t want to re-live my life, but I would give anything to share those moments again. For now, they are locked forever in the recesses of mind. For today, WCHI Easy 1350 out of Chillicothe, OH, held the key.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: If you find yourself still chasing your dreams — run faster.