Saturday, Saturday. Guess it’s time to settle in for my Five Minute Friday exercise where I gather with other writers from all corners of the globe as we write together, for just five minutes, on a common prompt. We put away the inner editor and just let the words flow {Okay, in full disclosure, that’s the plan … and I do let the neurons flow freely. But I do clean it up — mostly spelling since my fingers can’t keep up with my mind}. Our gracious hostess, Kate, has all the details on her blog (http://katemotaung.com/2016/04/07/five-minute-friday-whole/)as well as the link up so you can join in!
This week’s prompt is WHOLE. The timer is set, so let’s GO…
I am not whole. Not physically. Not emotionally. Not spiritually.
Okay, we got that out of the way.
Emotionally, I haven’t been whole for a little more than seven years. There’s a hole in my heart that is never going to heal. It has scarred over, but a part of me — my complement — is missing. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t wish for things to go back.
But, to what?
I wouldn’t want my wife to go through the pain and suffering again. Sure, I want the happy times — and there were many — but I sure wouldn’t want my wholeness to depend on her suffering.
So, with each passing day, each new wrinkle, each new roll, each new ache and pain, each new malady, I recognize how broken I am and have become. I have learned to cope, but there is always that void, especially when I go out to dinner alone, walk through … STOP
… a historic or gallery-laden neighborhood or park, watch the sunrise or sunset, sit at the ocean’s edge or watch the river roll by from my living room window. Sometimes, I just sit there and think … some day we will be reunited.
My soul is not whole either. It’s even more scarred and beat and battered. That, I know, is because of me — just me — my sins, my omissions, my indifference. The difference, though, is my soul is restored to its wholeness every day through the blood of Jesus. Although I don’t want my wholeness to depend on His suffering, I’m sure glad it is. I couldn’t get through life without the promises of eternity I share because of my brother Jesus. Sometimes, I just sit there in my solitude and think … some day I will get to day thank You..
Some day — that wholeness will be mine body and spirit.
THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
The Light 
I am your neighbor over at FMF this week. I appreciate your take on this word.
I was intrigued to find the contrast between wishing your partner back but not her pain. and acknowledging the pain that Christ went through for reconciliation. thank you for sharing so deeply from your heart. I appreciate your voice here brother.
LikeLike
Thank you for the kind words. I just commented on your post as well — well done. God bless.
LikeLike
Thanks for the reminder that our wholeness does depend on His suffering and not on the suffering of the ones we love. Makes you realise what a price He paid for us, willingly.
Kath commenting from Glimpsing Glory, #78 this week.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for what you wrote it has started me thinking about my own situation. I miss my husband. He is in a Nursing Home. He has dementia. I feel guilty when sometimes I don’t want to go see him. Just now it made me think of the fact that I almost never go to the graves of my loved ones. They are not there. I am not doing as well as I’d like spiritually either. Six months ago I was given six months to live. The Lord is with me in everything. I am still learning so much about living this life in Him, but I think I fail at praying. Wish there was another way to put that. His will be done is my favorite prayer because I am convinced that He wants the best for each person who asks me to pray for them or those I pray for in my family who I want to be sure are going to be with me in Heaven. Again, thanks, good to get these things off my chest.
LikeLike
Anytime. I think you are right where you (and all of us) are supposed to be … waiting in His arms. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. God bless.
LikeLike
Thank you for this really touching piece. And your thought to remember brought a smile to my lips and heart. Bless you and may God’s peace and comfort be with you.
LikeLike
You’re welcome. Sometimes a little levity helps. Bless you, too.
LikeLike